The Newsletter Autumn 1995

Announcing the MNC Home Page. Over the past year we have encouraged the development of electronic networking. See the following list of electronic addresses that are now connected to the MNC. In response to discussions begun at the MNC Hockley Valley meeting, some Ottawa men met on September 24 with a representative of Men for Change Halifax to discuss communications.
It would be our hope to 'deliver' the MNC newsletter to your e-mail address and/or have you check mensnet@magi.com quarterly for your copy. Unless indicated otherwise we will still mail you a hard copy.

This is the current list of e-mail addresses:

Will Boyce KingstonON boycew@knot.queensu.ca
Terry Boyd London ON boydt@fanshawec.on.ca
Roger Davies Halifax NS ac760@ccn.cs.dal.ca
Peter Davison Halifax NS aa116@ccn.cs.dal.ca
Michael Deloughery AylmerQC michaeld@ottawa.net
Ken Fisher Luskville QC kfisher@magi.com
Harry Hughes Ottawa ON harry.susan@emailer.com
Michael Kaufman Toronto ON mkmk@yorku.ca
Joe Kuypers Winnipeg ON kuypers@cc.umanitoba.ca
Michel Levac Ottawa ON istudio@magi.com
Jim Madden London ON jmadden@julian.uwo.ca
Erik Malmsten Toronto ON jerik@maple.net
Lorne Mann London ON lorne.mann@onlinesys.com
David Murphy London ON dmurphy@lib.uwo.ca
Tom Murphy London ON murphy@sscl.uwo.ca
David Nobbs Wakefield QC lmaillou@ccs.carleton.ca
Andrew Safer Halifax NS nstn0247@fox.nstn.ns.ca
Ian Russell Toronto ON irussell@hookup.net
Bill Usher Toronto ON bamboom@interlog.com
It would be our hope to 'deliver' the MNC newsletter to your e-mail address and/or have you check mensnet@magi.com quarterly for your copy. Unless indicated otherwise we will still mail you a hard copy.

Editorial Collective's Potpourri

With some of us newsletter types largely unemployed one would think that we could have got this issue out a month ago. Yet with anxieties about income it didn't work out that way.

As we write, it is the week before two simultaneous men's conferences, one in Winnipeg, the other in Kingston. Both have played critical roles in their respective regions for a long time. Congratulations to their organizers for 'keeping-on, keeping-on.' John Stoltenburg will speak in the west and Joseph Dunlop-Addley and Terry Boyd will speak in the east.

For some years Winnipeg has held a Brother Peace day, which is celebrated annually on the third Saturday of October. According to Erik Malmsten the event was created about ten years ago by men in Ithaca, New York. Quoting from the latest issue of the Manitoba Men's Network News, "In the Celtic calendar, this month signals the end of the old year and the beginning of the new. As we leave the old year, we celebrate Brother Peace with a gathering of men and friends; assessing our present socio-political positions and becoming aware of new ones. We also become more aware of our own personal opinions and how we as individuals represent ourselves to our families, friends and co-workers." So we invite you to start the year right by joining in a moment of silence around noon on Saturday October 21 with the men gathered in Kingston and Winnipeg. Or connect with us on mensnet@magi.com.

We would like to applaud two great newsletters each coming out bimonthly. From time to time we will reprint some of their stories as we have in this issue.

Manitoba Men's Network News Editor: Lawrence Brenn P.O. Box 26022, Winnipeg MB R3C 4K9 204-475-5990 Subscriptions are available with a $25 membership in the MMN.

Metro Men Against Violence Newsletter Editor: Ian Russell 143 Deforest Road, Toronto ON M6S 1J7 tel. 416-769-2630 fax. 416-760-8200 Subscriptions are available with a $25 membership in the MMAV.

Mail

We have received correspondence from the following: Chris Sunde, Michael Kaufman, Ray Jones, Harvey Schacter, Alexander Freund, Martin Zidulka, George Stephenson, Al Lowry, Jim Richardson and newsletters from Calgary, Winnipeg and Toronto. Phone calls are too numerous to mention.

Notices

What About Me? by Grant Cameron "This book is the end result of the trying and traumatic times that I encountered while helping my wife, Liz, heal from abuse she suffered as a child." It costs $16.95 and is published by Creative Bound c/o Box 424, Carp ON K0A 1L0, 613-831-3641.

Beyond Abuse : A Men's Support Group announced their inauguration of services for men who have been sexually and/or physically abused. The program arose out of number of requests for help from men to a local women's group. Their address is Box 433, Owen Sound ON N4K 5P7, 519-422-3743.

MenTalk

As with the pre-conference materials, we wish to continue providing edited excerpts from the mensnet conversation. This was a recent highlight.

Subject: Vision TV Broadcast 95/10/03

Date: Wed. 4 Oct. 1995 11:44:42 -0400 (EDT)

From: David Murphy Men's Network for Change: London Caucus

To: Peter Davison

Hi Peter, Andrew and Roger,

Congratulations on your broadcast on Vision TV last night. It was really exciting to see a program as worthy and powerful as yours getting such good coverage on a national TV network. I thought you all came across very well. The curriculum you developed for anti-violence programs in high schools, is a very positive step towards changing society. I would be interested in purchasing a copy of the handbook. Thanks and good luck in future endeavours.

Date: Wed. 4 Oct. 1995 22:07:51 -0300

From: Peter Davison To: David Murphy

Thanks David,

We will have the Vision program on video tape in case others wish to view it. It would be very interesting to have other MNC members to promote the program in their community. We shall talk. The program is designed for use in Junior High Schools. (grades 7,8 & 9 ed.) You can browse our online material at url: http://www.cfn.cs.dal.ca/Community Support/Men4Change/m4c_back.html I can send you a set with an invoice if you can confirm your intention.

Cost is $56.00 including s&h. Thanks again. Peter

Request for News and Views

We need reports of regional meetings, events past and future and reflections. Please send copy as soon as possible!

White Ribbon Campaign

November 25 - December 2

The WRC is now in its fifth year of operation. It is still the only national campaign of its kind in the world. Symbols of men's opposition to violence against women remain in short supply. Find a way to engage locally at work or in your community. To contact the WRC National Coordinator call

Richard Barry tel. 416-596-1513 fax. 416-596-8359 or write

White Ribbon Campaign

220 Yonge Street - Galleria Offices - Suite 104

Toronto ON M5B 2H1

The MNC National Conference

August 11-14, 1995

MNC Conference Report by David Cormack reprinted from the Toronto Metro Men Against Violence Newsletter Oct - Nov 1995

Based on our answers to the question of "The Why, The What and The How of the MNC" the subject of this summer's MNC Conference - I and 21 men participating reaffirmed that, yes, there is a future for the MNC.

The conference took place on August 11-14 at the Hockley Valley Ecology Retreat Centre. While the agenda focused on the conference's key questions it did give ample time to discuss education projects. There were reports from Toronto and Halifax on curricula and training men to train young men about challenging violence and promoting equality. Local reports also included discussions about men's programs addressing family violence. A number of men at the conference working in this field shared information on program differences, techniques and comments on court mandated versus voluntary programs.

Bill Usher provided music and song on Saturday evening, singing songs of his own experience and learnings. Bill's sincerity and honesty touched us all.

The opening and closing ceremonies allowed us to share and express our pro-feminist realizations, learnings and support through reflection on the MNC's Mission Statement.

The food was good and the atmosphere supportive and comfortable -a good space -a good time.

As a result of the plenary the Why, What and How questions were answered:

Why?

Because in these times there is a need for a national network where pro-feminist men, individually or as groups, can touch or reach out to support, be supported, share, find out or just be with.

What?

All networks need a grid or medium through which to communicate. The plenary chose the newsletter, the internet and the conference as the three mediums of choice.

How?

The newsletter (production process ed.) is to be shortened so as to be not so demanding on members' contributions.
MNC first began to use the internet in the organizing of the conference.
A committee has been struck to expand this means of communication.
The MNC grew out of 'open', not 'members only', conferences. It was decided to return to this format. A conference is being planned for the summer of '96 again at Hockley Valley, open to all men working against violence against women and children, lesbians and gays and other men - workshops - interest groups - getting together.
Committed to its own mission statement, the MNC is open to all men who want to bring about equality in our society.
The MNC Is Alive and Well by Christopher Sunde
reprinted from the Winnipeg Manitoba Men's Network Newsletter October 1995
After a hiatus of three years the MNC held its Annual General Meeting and conference this past August. The Manitoba Men's Network was represented by three of our members, Ray Cunnington, David Rice-Lampert and myself.
The MNC is a national men's organization whose guiding principles (like ours) are pro-feminist, gay affirmative and male positive. Like the MMN, the MNC is a small group of committed paid up members and a larger group of supporters on a mailing list. There were representatives from Halifax to Saskatoon at the weekend.
The conference was held at an ecology retreat centre in a rural area adjacent to the Bruce Trail (a nature trail with excellent scenery) near Orangeville ON. The setting and vegetarian food provided by our hosts was conducive to our reflections, sharing and planning.
This weekend involved the unusual business activities like reports, an AGM, and planning for the future. However the most significant aspect of the gathering was the chance to meet and get to know men from across Canada who share a similar vision and who demonstrate like values. The drumming, dancing, and dialogue as well as the swimming and socializing were opportunities to build stronger ties for our common enterprise. As a result, a lot of positive energy was generated at the conference.
Aspects of the event which are of relevance to the MMN include:
*the performance of MNC member and singer/songwriter Bill Usher who could conceivably perform for us at our 1996 Brother Peace Event;
*the designation of MMN member(s) who could join the MNC and collectively present a united voice to the media on national issues;
*the possibility of having a computerized electronic hook-up between our Brother Peace event, the simultaneous Kingston Men's Conference with participation from men in Halifax and Vancouver. This could be a real media opportunity;
*the thought that Winnipeg could host the a future MNC AGM and annual gathering (the 1996 event will again be held in southern Ontario) *the recognition that organizational dynamics are similar, whether the MMN or the MNC. Like us they have their energy 'ebbs and flows', their struggles and divisions of interest, but like us are committed to a dialogue and discussion to resolve issues and continue progress;
*the awareness the best, most energized, most open, most productive AGM's were proceeded by retreats involving a lot of sharing and trust building. The relation-building (seen as essential by many of the 'veteran' MNC members) clearly allowed members to conduct the business of the organization in an efficient and healthy fashion. The MNC seemed to falter organizationally when the retreats were curtailed. The concept of a spring retreat before our own AGM is being explored by the MMN.
As you can see, all three of us returned form the gathering with ideas,
energy and enthusiasm to continue the work of the Manitoba Men's Network

Reflections on the MNC Weekend by Bob Neufeld Ottawa

I had never been to a Grindstone men's retreat, but I had heard stories bordering on the mythical. I came to the MNC retreat with openness, some fears, and considerable curiosity. Having reflected on my goals, I had settled on the idea that I wanted to meet like-minded men (pro-feminist, gay affirmative, male positive) and experience the energy when such a rare group meets. A modest goal, eh?

I was aware that MNC had not met as a larger group for some time and that there was some opinion that this was a gathering to bury the organization.

Happily, the burial did not take place and in many ways a new phoenix of enthusiasm arose.

I came away from the weekend, energized, and with a personal clarity about my own gifts. The initial 'ritual circle' where most men danced as a group was a source of great joy for me. We danced together, feet thumping in unison, arms extended around each other, a bodily expression of unity. I found it an apt symbol for where MNC could go to continue to speak to Canadian men on issues of gender.

Other happenings in the weekend also spoke to this. Many intellectual discussions took place during the weekend, I was part of those, and I recognize how important they are. However I would like to also emphasize the activities that went beyond 'the head', into the area of fun, group ritual and movement.

Bill Usher was instrumental in setting up a group dynamic of wonderful energy on Saturday night. His performance was heartfelt, thoughtful and inspiring. His topics for songs related to my experience and my paradigms of reality. Later, he led us in an incredible drumming and dancing session. It was magical! A number of men beating out a pulsating rhythm while others moved together had a wild energy to it. This was bonding far beyond the mind. We built on each other's energy and were creative together. There was an ecstatic quality to this interchange. It was a holistic interaction of male beings that had many layers to it. It was spiritual, sensuous, physical, and laden with non-verbal communication. I loved it.

We didn't bury MNC. In a Saturday afternoon session each study group came up with fresh ideas to resurrect and revitalize MNC. People who thought they had philosophical differences heard themselves agreeing with each other regarding MNC's future. Two major agreements were reached. First, MNC would create communications networks for men to keep in touch based on the Internet and Newsletter. Second,the MNC would create a gathering for next summer. This gathering would emphasize fun, personal growth workshops, and on-going political dialogue. Also, it would attract new and younger men. A small committee was struck to start co-ordinating this weekend.

This whole weekend was an impressive accomplishment, given some of our negative expectations. As I experienced it, the MNC is pulsating with life. As a newcomer, I felt a part of this group of men, with my gifts affirmed.

This is a network that merits my continued energy over the next year.

Data and Reflections from the Conference Coordinators

In addition to the lightly edited MNC Conference Reports written by Dave Cormack, Chris Sunde and Bob Neufeld, we wish to add the following information and reflections.

Conference Participants listed from east to west were: Halifax: Don Himmelman; Montreal: Bert Young; Ottawa-Outaouais: Ken Fisher, David Nobbs, Michael Deloughery, Bob Neufeld, Michel Levac, Paul Lafleur, Toronto: David Cormack, Ray Jones, Bill Usher; Waterloo: Greg Carter; London: Terry Boyd, Ray Clancy, Joseph Dunlop-Addley, Robyn Harvey, Greg Little, Lorne Mann;

Winnipeg: Ray Cunnington, David Rice-Lampert, Chris Sunde; and Saskatoon:

Wally Roth.

With the exception of a small phone bill, the event broke even financially thanks to a contribution by Paul Weber of Ottawa and the willingness of the Ecology Retreat Centre and Bill Usher to be able to work with what we collected which was $180 per person or $60 per day.

This conference fulfilled the expectation of Grindstone-like community building and time to reflect on our political, professional and community engagement.

Because so many men were coming to a men's conference for the first time it represented a helpful rejuvenation of our culture. Did anyone guess that three men would come with Tarot cards? Did anyone guess that one third of the men would be associated with programs for assaultive men? Did anyone guess that such regional strength and diversity would be represented? Did anyone guess that three-time Juno Award Winner, Bill Usher, would evoke such laughter and tears from a group of burned and lucid guys like us? Thank you Bill. Who would have thought that so many of us would be still be connected through the annual White Ribbon Campaign?

It seems apparent that the MNC is now much more of a network than a direct movement for social change itself. Action is at the local level. For the time being the MNC seems to have found new footing as a coast-to-coast basis of support and interchange for locally engaged pro-feminist men.

One of the signs of a successful 1995 event is the existence of a planning group for the 1996 Conference. First to put up his hand was Greg Little, (840 Wellington Street London ON N6A 3S7 tel. 519-645-8927) Support was offered from Halifax, Ottawa, London,Winnipeg and Saskatoon. (Indeed, as of this writing Greg and some other Londoners have already met a couple of times.) All of this year's planning group were thanked and allowed to retire gracefully.

As a part of the of the conference opening ritual, (facilitated by Paul Lafleur and Bob Neufeld) we lined up according to a whole range of categories including orientation, ethnicity, emotional and political outlook and age. Wonder of wonders, the youngest man was 33. 45 was about the mean age. We have a year to find younger men. Let's look around at work, in our neighbourhood or at the local colleges and universities. Encourage them to meet with you locally.

In that vein we wish you to renew your membership in the MNC. We will do our best to reduce the costs of the quarterly newsletter by using cheaper reproductions, by providing it electronically, by enabling regional reproduction so that less monies go to Canada Post and some monies might be available to subsidize further face to face contact among the membership. In future, September will be the time of membership renewal ($30).

Other Conference Conversations:

An MNC Logos Contest for T Shirt s and Masthead

Since the inception of the MNC in 1989 we have talked about getting a logos but never did. So... please send us your ideas. Any sketch is a good sketch. In the Winter or Spring Issue we will present the choices 'for a vote.' Then we'll go to production, marketing and distribution. What about bumper stickers?

The Brochure - Is it time for a French name?

The need for materials in French remains and issue especially as we move into the internet era. Is this the year we manage to provide this? Let us know if you can help with this. We also need to redo the English brochure. Bill Usher has offered to distribute it to every audience he engages. Where else could we distribute it? What do we suggest members be involved with locally?

A National Listing of Men's Groups

The Listing was published in 1988 and 1992. Perhaps a polished quadrennial publication featuring writings as well as directories could come out in 1996. Such a product would have to be self-funding. While not putting any financial drain on the MNC, it would nevertheless meet the need for thoughtful writing that may not appear in the newsletter. It might be, in part, an anthology of writings that have appeared in some of the local newsletters.