Network News
Men's Network for Change
pro-feminist gay affirmative
anti-racist male positive
133 avenue des Plages PONTIAC (Luskville) QC J0X 2G0
tel.(819)455-9295 fax.(819)455-9213
e-mail mensnet@magi.com
Web site: http:/infoweb.magi.com/~mensnet/
TABLE OF CONTENTS
From the Editor p. 1
Netalk: Excerpts from e-mail p. 1
·Random Requests p. 1
·Random Comments p. 2
·Publications, Books and Movies p. 3
·EGALE News p. 4
·Healthy Relationships Curriculum p. 6
·Conferences p. 6
·White Ribbon Campaign p. 8
·Humour? p. 9
·News from Members p. 9
·Child Support Bill Threatened p. 10
·Promise Keepers p. 12
·Men in Transition: Letting Go and Holding On! p. 15
·The Benny Anderson and Grant Wedge Letters p. 21
·Minutes of the October MNC Meeting p. 21
·Regional Contacts and Mission Statement p. 22
·Membership & Retreat Registration p. 23
·The Many Paths of Pro-feminist Men p. 24
From The Editor
For the past six months the Network has poked along. Netalk provides a summary
of the energies expended in networking, conferencing and advocacy. There
have also been a trickle of new members, renewals and correspondence. After
loaning $500 for a deposit to reserve Wanaki for the summer get-together,
and about $400 to get this newsletter out, there is about $250 (+$500) left
in the account.
It is my intention to resign as editor of the newsletter. I have been engaged
in this role for almost four years now. The newsletter began in Kingston,
the summer of 1989, following the MNC inaugural conference at Orangeville
that spring.
Michael Deloughery will continue to manage the home-page. Unless there are
proposals forth-coming, this will be the last printed newsletter. The funds
in the MNC account will be used to send out a one-page quarterly information
sheet, reprint brochures as requested and continue the web site.
The MNC is now, very much a loose network of engaged men who share a broadly
defined pro-feminist context. We are not now (or probably never were) a
social movement, marching lock-step into the future. Our Orangeville Mission
Statement expressed that hope.
But it was not to be.
My own assessment of the unaddressed contradictions of the past decade are
as follows:
#1 Pro-feminist men have had a 'ghost' for a partner. The feminists that
we 'support' and whose point of view we 'defend' have almost never been
present in our organizational activities. Thus, when we show up in the public
eye or in front of other men, they can't 'see' our partner making us look
a little unreal.
#2 Pro-feminist men expose the violence of patriarchy and the contradictions
of masculinity. We are not afraid to break the silence to end the violence.
Yet one very significant source of our strength to rebel against our society's
construction of gender is derived from a series of wonderfully positive
events with other great gay, straight and bisexual men. The 'world' and
other men that we meet rarely hear about that part of our experience. It's
almost politically incorrect to be enthusiastic about being male or being
male positive.
#3 In every idyllic setting of Grindstone, Chaffey's Locks, Kingston, Orangeville,
or the beginnings of the WRC, a key constituency of our culture has been
the 'insider' group or the clique. The politics of exclusiveness have always
had a deleterious affect on our level of trust, intimacy and collective
impact. While our process exemplars have avidly guarded the efficacy of
our meetings, collectively holding the cliques accountable never happened.
I am not referring to the 'core groups' that have organized various events.
In a similar vein we seem to have had little ability to deal with 'rogues';
men who would happily trash other men's integrity for the sake of political
advantage. We also seemed to accept that sexual relations among our leadership
could not be included in a conversation about the use of power.
As well, the successful NDP win in the Ontario elections also diverted MNC
leadership. There was no 'second tier' that agitated to replace the group
that got engaged in the provincial government.
And while the WRC represents one of the great accomplishments of the MNC,
it also was a point of division. The infrastructures of the MNC and the
WRC got fractured in the process of trying to absorb the incredible initial
public support for the Campaign.
My sense of our numerous accomplishments (reducing homophobia being a major
one) and the Network's overall impact are described in my address at last
fall's Kingston Conference. (see Men in Transition: Letting Go and Holding
On!)
For a number of years I have been involved annually with conferences, the
newsletter, the WRC, and networking. It is my intention to step away from
most of these roles. I wish to thank the men from coast-to-coast who have
have given me their support, encouragement and friendship over the years.
And on behalf of the MNC, to all those men who have taken the time to write
for the Network News or MENSNET, thank you.
Netalk excerpts from the Winter and Spring
Random Requests
From: A.R. Ho <hoar@muss.CIS.McMaster.CA>
Hi. My name is Ari Ho. I am interested in finding out about more of your
organization, Mensnet. I certainly agree with every aspect of your Mission
Statement and am interested in becoming a member.
Also, I am currently involved with the development of a men's discussion
group on my campus (McMaster University). We are currently looking at ideas
on how to shape our group, the direction it takes, and perhaps the impact
it can make in the surrounding community. Do you know of campus men's groups
at other universities, and would you be able to put me in touch with them
(ie. e-mail addresses would be super)?
From: Sandro Bellassai Bologna Italy <karyn@prospero.economia.unibo.it>
Subject: info request for Men's Network News
I am an Italian working on the equivalent of a Ph.D. in contemporary history.
Because my research concerns gender issues, I would greatly appreciate receiving
a sample issue of Men's Network News as well as an index of previously published
topics and articles.
If it is possible to pay cash on delivery (COD), this would be the easiest
for me, if not please inform me of the regular procedure for payment outside
Canada.
Thank you for your kind and prompt attention to this request.If there is
any other information available over the internet, please contact me at
this address: Via CortiIcella 14 Bologna 40128 Italy
From: David Murphy <dmurphy@lib.uwo.ca>
Paul Lafleur left a message with me regarding me being the London contact
for MNC. I would be happy to continue to do so with the proviso that things
are not very active now in London for the Caucus. Thanks to all the men
in Ottawa who continue to do such good work.
From: Guelph Queer Equality <gqe@uoguelph.ca>
To: Rainbow List <rainbow@cybervision.com>
Subject: Outline
Hi everyone, my name is Cherolyn Knapp.I have recently been hired through
Guelph Queer Equality to coordinate "Outline" a new service for
lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, gay and otherwise queer people at the
University (and wider community too).
Outline replaces what used to be Gayline.Our goal is to provide support
on the phone by trained volunteers in an inclusive environment that is woman-positive,
anti-racist and sensitive to all issues of oppression.
Our goal is to be operational by the new year.There is so much to be done
between now and then!This is a call for volunteers from the University of
Guelph and broader communities.The next couple of months will be spent establishing
the line, training volunteers, fundraising, compiling resources, building
community networks and more.
We are looking for energetic people who want to be involved in something
different.The first volunteer meeting will be in a couple of weeks. Please
contact me by email or phone as soon as possible if you are interested,
or pass this info along.OUTLINE PHONE # 519/836-4550
From: Ian Russell <irussell@inforamp.net>
Subject: Can anyone out there help them?
Metro Men Against Violence recently received a request for help from Qu'Appelle
Haven Safe Shelter (PO Box 457 Fort Qu'Appelle, Sask S0G 1S0, tel. 306-332-6881,
fax 306 332-6983. They need "materials on the 'abuser' for the use
[of] providing help to spouses/partners of our women who enter our shelter".
"Qu'Appelle Haven Safe Shelter is a non-profit service organization
under the umbrella of the Touchwood File Hills Qu'Appelle Tribal council".
From: Rémi Saint-Péron <rsaint-peron@publicis.fr>
Reply-To: rsaint-peron@publicis.fr
Organization: Publicis Etoile
Subject: Et en France ?
Hello, I saw your Web site and I agree... Please, let me know what exists
in France.
From: Pierre Morais <pjmorais@uvic.ca> (
Subject: DC Men Against Rape
I am a 36 year old man who has been working for some time in trying to get
men to take responsibility for the abuses perpetuated by their gender.For
example for the last 4 years I have been organizing a annual "rally
for men against violence" in Courtney on Vancouver Island.Just yesterday
I heard about a group on the news called "DC Men Against Rape"
and I'm wondering if your organization can provide me with some info that
could help me contact them (an address, E-mail or otherwise).Thank you in
advance and it is good to know that there are organizations out there who
think as I do.
From: Ron G. Woods <MIchRook@aol.com>
NATIONAL DAY OF PROTEST
AT CHRYSLER DEALERSHIPS WORLDWIDE
November 14, 1996
Monday, October 28, 1996 the Wall Street Journal carried at 950 word story,
headlined: "Gay Chrysler Workers Bring Rights Fight to Factory Floor"
The immediate purpose of the protests is to pressure Chrysler to realize
that we will not tolerate their blatant bigotry. Chrysler has refused the
United Auto Workers demand to add sexual orientation to the contract for
equal protection in the work place.
However, as the momentum grows I realize that our campaign is not only about
discrimination at Chrysler, it is about educating the American public about
the on-the-job harassment that gay and lesbian people experience on a day-to-day
basis. It is about an opportunity for people in cities and towns in the
United States, Canada, and around the world to speak up for fair treatment
in the workplace.It is about alliance building and grassroots organizing.It's
about using the internet to mobilize a nationwide action in less than three
weeks time.
I believe that together we can make a difference.
Random Comments
From: Heather Gwynnith Pender Assistant Coordinator-Action San Gabriel Valley
NOW<heatherg@earthlink.net>
I just want to express my appreciation of the work you have done and will
continue to do.I can't convey how validating, reassuring, and uplifting
it is to realize that I am not alone in my struggle against the deep-rooted
ill effects of society and the gender roles pushed upon men and women from
the time of conception.
Thank you so much for having the courage to self-examine, question,
and change.You must be very loving, wonderful people.
Subject: To The profem-l mail list: Michael Kimmel
I've been following this little tempest about male-affirmation. While I
have no objection to being supportive of men, I think we need to take two
things into consideration. First., let's make a distinction between men
and masculinity. I think it is perfectly reasonable to be furious at masculinity,
given what the traditional definition of masculinity has been about. And
it seems to me to be perfectly rational to be furious at male supremacy,
a system that infects all of us, of male domination.
But one can, and I think has to support MEN as we struggle with that infection,
struggle to make lives that mean something, that have integrity, that have
passion, that have ethics. I applaud the critique of masculinity and male
supremacy, but believe that we have to be caring and supportive of one another
as we struggle to change both ourselves and that system.I actually do believe
that we are capable of change, and need each other to keep going.
I'd also like to invite us to rethink this term "misandry. I, for one,
would like to NOT use it. I think it presents us with a false equivalence,
worthy of the men's rights types, perhaps, but unworthy of committed profeminist
men.The false equivalence, of course, is that feminists hate misogyny, and
men hate misandry. Just as I don't believe that in the United States there
can be no such thing as "reverse racism" nor could there be such
a thing as "Jewish supremacy" in Nazi Germany. Fighting back against
injustice and a systematic institutional injustice is not the same as having
the power to institutionalize your rage.Sure, there are some African-Americans
who hate white people, and who are angry at racism. I can't tell for sure,
but it seems rational to me, given the life of people of colour in this
culture.But they lack the central, defining feature of a system known as
racISM -- the institutional apparatus of the state to enforce and maintain
those ideas.So too with Jewish rage against Nazism, or women's rage against
male supremacy.
Misandry, to my mind, confuses the issue, creates a false equivalence between
women's anger at male supremacy (a system) and men's feeling hurt or misunderstood
by that anger. That may hurt, to be sure.NO one likes it when rage at a
system feels personalized to an individual. But there are no societies I
know of, no cultures that are misandrist. So let's play a little less fast
and loose with language here.I vote for not using the term.
From: Paul Merrifield <paul.merrifield@odyssey.on.ca>
Subject: Re: help
Reply from Michael Deloughery
Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I have sent your message out to
various people on our mailing list and you may get some responses in the
next while. Here's mine:
As a male I experienced teasing, humiliation, spankings, hazing, punching,
threats, and many other forms of abusive and violent behaviour as I was
growing up. Most of the guys I hung around with did also. In my case, it
was mostly at the hands of another male (peers) or an authority figure (mostly
male except for elementary teachers). So I still feel and experience that
men are on the receiving end of a majority of the violence and abuse, but
it's mostly done by other men. Certainly by the time I was a teen and young
adult, I liked to hang around women more, because they really listened to
me, and I just got more respectful relationships. Women are not perfect,
and I have suffered at the hands of women. But my own experience (of 47
years) is that men do the majority of the violence and its hurting ourselves
mostly. I would dearly love when the men's rights advocates work toward
ending men's violence against men. When they advocate peacefulness between
men. This would really make life more bearable to all us men and would single
out the women who are violent and abusive.
Paul replies...
Thank you ever so much. Your words express what I have wanted to say for
so long but I'm not good at expressing myself and putting anger aside enough
in order to do so. What you said puts some bad memories away and I am in
gratitude. Thank you again, Paul
Publications, Books and Movies
From: Peter Baker <PeterBaker@msn.com>
Subject: The MANual: The Complete Man's Guide To Life
Dear Friends. I have taken the liberty of using Michael Flood's mailing
list to let you know about a new book that's being published in the UK on
October 21st, 1996.
It's called 'The MANual: The Complete Man's Guide to Life' and is by Mick
Cooper and myself. The publisher is Thorsons, an imprint of Harper Collins.
(ISBN is 0 7225 3318 7. Recommended price: UK £7.99, USA $15.00, CAN
$14.95.)
The MANual puts together in a practical, down-to-earth format the central
issues facing men in the 90s. Its main themes concern the social and psychological
pressures many men still feel to be 'real men'; how these can limit our
lives; and the paths along which we can discover many new, different and
enjoyable ways of being men. The book focuses on seven key aspects of men's
lives: emotions, relationships, sex, violence, health, work and fatherhood.
Unusually for a book of this type, it is written from a pro-feminist perspective.
Mick Cooper is a counsellor and visiting lecturer in psychology at Brighton
University. He is currently an editor of Achilles Heel magazine. I am a
writer and journalist and a former editor of Achilles Heel. Both of us have
written extensively on the issue of men and masculinity and have run men's
groups and workshops for many years.
If you would like any further information please let me know. If you do
get to see the book, I hope you will find it interesting and enjoyable.
From: Ben Wadham Australia <benwadh@tafe.sa.edu.au>
Subject: XY Men Sex Politics
I am an editor for an Australian pro-feminist, male positive, gay affirmative
magazine. We are currently undergoing changes from a quarterly to a bi-annual,
from Canberra to Adelaide.We have about 900 subscribers nationally and it
is still rising slowly.
Its a tough time in Australia with a growing backlash against feminism and
social justice ideas. I've spent the past day being abused by a men's group,
via email, regarding all pro-feminists as murderers and men haters. It is
an emerging trend.
It would be good if you could link with us on internet sites. Our site is
at the signature address below. If you are interested we could link you.
Cheers, Ben -Editor, XY magazine (anti-sexist magazine for men
Phone: (W) [08) 226 7933 (H) [08] 370 3567 Fax:[08] 226 0840
19 Ashby Ave. Blackwood SA 5051 Australia (PO Box TBA)
Press Conference Protesting The People vs. Larry Flynt, New York.
January 7, 1997
Here is a Speech by Tonya Flynt at a feminist demonstration against the
film about her pornographer / perpetrator father, Larry Flynt:
Taped, and transcribed by Melissa Farley Dec. 27, 1996.
"I want everybody to know that I'm not against free speech, I believe
in it very much.That's why we all have the freedom to be out here tonight.
But I don't think that's what this is all about. As a matter of fact, I'm
sure it's not. I was involved in every aspect of my father's life. I was
there during the times that this movie portrays. During the court hearings
- I was there."
"His life is not about free speech. He could care less about whether
or not we have the right to be out here. And I guarantee you that he doesn't
want me out here speaking my mind and telling you the truth about what he
did to me, and about what his life is really all about. As a matter of fact,
he's threatened my life several times. He put a contract out on my life.
He sexually abused me and my sister. He's a very violent man."
[in response to hecklers from the crowd] "It's not about censorship,
it's not about free speech, it's about violence against women and what he
really stands for. [applause] That's really what all of this is about: to
tell you that too many people are violating women and children today.I know
because I was a young child - I was violated.Very badly.And pornography
was used in that violation.
He used the pornography to abuse me, saying that it was OK.He degraded me
to the point where [he said]'You see Chester the Molester, you see what
these women are doing,see it's OK, see how the young girls are enjoying
their fathers.'That was the kind of thing that he did.He validated himself
through the pornography."
"So please don't confuse the issue:it's not about free speech at all,
it's about his treatment towards women.He's just covering it up and using
the First Amendment as an excuse to violate women. It's not an excuse -
he doesn't have that right.I'm opposed to him and that's why I'm here today."
[request from audience]"I've been asked to speak about the sexual abuse.I
don't know how many of you - probably a lot - have been sexually abused
as a child. It's very devastating.One out of three have been sexually abused.
Someone inside had something negative to say when the cameras were on them
but then they came to me in private and said 'you know, I was sexually abused,
I can sympathize with what you are saying.'"
"You know,freedom of speech wasn't used when he was violating me.It
was all about - 'you know, this is what children are doing with their fathers,
this is OK.'I was a grieving child over it.It hurt me significantly.It hurt
my mind.
I just hope everybody that goes and sees the movie realizes that free speech
is not absolute.You can't yell 'fire!' in a crowded theatre.And some of
these things are for the good of people.It's not about free speech - it's
about violence against women,being tied up and raped and tortured.A lot
of people that don't use pornography don't know what it's really all about.
If you look at a magazine today, you'll see the serious violations that
are going on; what's keeping the depravity of the pedophiles and people
out there that are committing these violent crimes against women and children."
EGALE
Equality for Gays and Lesbians Everywhere
From: John Fisher Executive Director EGALE <egale@istar.ca>
Subject: EGALE Update
For some time now, EGALE's e-mail list has been administered by Lawrence
Aronovitch, our Vice President in Victoria.As we haven't previously had
e-mail access at our office here in Ottawa, I've relied on Lawrence to keep
me informed.Now we finally have e-mail at the office, so while Lawrence
will continue to administer the list, I'm pleased to be able to join the
loop in person.
In terms of recent developments with EGALE, a new Board of Directors was
voted in at our A.G.M. in June and has been working on plans for the next
year.For those that aren't aware, the Board consists of Carmen Paquette
(President), Lawrence Aronovitch (Vice-President and Victoria rep), Kathy
Hare (Treasurer), Alan Dingle (Secretary), Claudette Branchard (Chair of
Political Action Committee), Scott Robertson (Vancouver rep), Jane Morrigan
(Nova Scotia rep and Regional Development Co-chair), Matthieu Brennan (Chair
of Fundraising Committee), Jan Cheney (Co-chair of Legal Issues Committee)
and Bob Duncombe. Next year, we hope to have even more regional representation
on the Board! For those of you who are interested in that sort of thing,
let me know and I'll be happy to tell you more about EGALE's structure and
committees etc.
Our Board of Directors recently held a Board retreat to plot the Homosexual
Agenda for the coming year. We'll be circulating a questionnaire in a month
or so to our members to get some sense of their priorities and what our
membership expects of us. We'll also be working hard to make the queer vote
count in next year's federal election. We'll be publishing MPs' voting records
and positions on key issues, and we hope to have volunteers in as many constituencies
across the country as possible going to all-candidates' meetings and grilling
the candidates about where they stand.
We'll also be busy on the legal front.Key Court cases include Rosenberg/CUPE
(on its way to the Ontario Court of Appeal), which deals with same-sex pension
benefits and the constitutional validity of the "opposite sex"
definition of "spouse" in the Income Tax Act, as well as Vriend
vs Alberta, which concerns whether Alberta is constitutionally required
to include "sexual orientation" as a prohibited ground of discrimination
in its Individual Rights Protection Act (this case is coming up before the
Supreme Court of Canada).
So, best wishes to all; it's going to be another busy year, so if any of
you are interested in helping out, I have a feeling we'll need all the volunteer
support we can get!
From: EGALE <egale@istar.ca>
Subject: Same-sex Benefits Victory!
In a far-reaching decision, the Ontario Board of Inquiry has ordered that
the definitions of "spouse" and "marital status" in
the Ontario Human Rights Code "be read down to exclude the discriminatory
effect of the words 'of the opposite sex'. The Board further ordered that
the words "of the opposite sex" be struck out of the definition
of "spouse" in the Municipal Act and the Municipality of Metropolitan
Toronto Act.
The Board was ruling on the validity of the denial of same-sex benefits
to complainants Bill Dwyer and Mary-Woo Sims. The Board also ruled that
the
words "of the opposite sex" be struck out of provincial pension
legislation,
but this order was made conditional upon a similar amendment being made
to the federal Income Tax Act. Responsibility now rests with the federal
government to stop the discrimination in the field of pensions by amending
the Income Tax Act.
GAY COUPLES GAIN TAX BREAK
Revenue Canada Grants Equal Treatment on Employer-Paid Benefits
by Bruce Cohen. The Financial Post
Revenue Canada has decided to treat homosexual couples on the same basis
as heterosexual couples when it comes to tax-free employer-paid medical
and dental benefits.
The move, which could affect almost one-third of large employers, ends administrative
problems for employers that have granted same-sex coverage and spares their
gay employees a potential tax hit.
The change was announced quietly in a technical interpretation released
Sept. 6. It went into effect immediately. "This is diametrically opposed
to what they've been saying for the past few years," said Rob Davis,
senior manager in the national tax office of chartered accountants KPMG.
The technical interpretation says Revenue Canada reviewed its position after
a unanimous June 13 Canadian Human Rights Tribunal ruling that federally
regulated employers can not deny same-sex partners group benefits.
Before, Revenue Canada limited tax-free "private health services plans"
to
couples as defined under the Income Tax Act -- those legally married and
common-law couples of the opposite sex.
The turnabout effects 20%-30% of the country's major employers, estimated
Aubrey D'Souza, a senior consultant in KPMG's actuarial and benefits practice.
Those are the organizations that have granted same-sex coverage.
Previously, they had to set up separate plans for their employees' gay partners
or kept separate records within the main group plan. No cross-subsidies
were allowed, so the spousal group stood alone in risk assessment and funding,
D'Souza added.
The gay employees were also subject to a taxable benefit for the employer-paid
spousal coverage. That would equal the cost of the insurance premiums or
the reimbursements for medical and dental claims, depending on whether the
plan was insured or self-funded.
Plans vary widely but D'Souza estimated that average spousal medical and
dental insurance might cost an employer about $450 a year.
But he added that few, if any, employers actually reported those taxable
benefits.Instead, to avoid potential complaints from gay employees, the
companies absorbed the cost by not claiming tax deductions for the money
they paid out.
Now employers will be able to put gay spouses into their main group plans
and claim tax deductions for the cost of their coverage.
From: EGALE <egale@istar.ca>
Subject: Youth suicide survey
A new study produced by Pierre Tremblay, associate researcher in suicide
at the University of Calgary, shows that homosexual and bisexual men are
nearly 14 times more at risk than heterosexuals for a serious suicide attempt.
According to the survey, nearly two-thirds of young men who try to take
their own life are gay or bisexual. Full details of the survey can be found
on-line at http://www.virtualcity.com/youthsuicide/
From: EGALE <egale@istar.ca>
Subject: Prime Minister on same-sex marriage
Q from student: "Bonjour, je m'appelle Liam Richards. M. le premier
ministre, pensez-vous que les couples de homosexuels devraient avoir les
mêmes droits que les couples de hétérosexuels? Sinon,
pourquoi, si oui, qu'avez-vous l'intention de faire pour promouvoir ces
droits?"
Translation: Hello, I'm Liam Richards.Prime Minister, do you think that
homosexual couples should have the same rights as heterosexual couples.If
not, why not; and if so, what do you intend to do to advance these rights?>
Prime Minister Chrétien: "Oh, celle-là, elle n'est pas
facile, votre question, jeune homme. <Oh, that's not an easy question,
young man> (continuing in English:)He's asking me if, you know, homosexual
couples ... You know, we pass a law not long ago that was in the books since
a long time to make sure that on the human rights act there shall be no
discrimination against the people who, for sexual orientation. We passed
it. It was...every government try, for many years, and I very proud that
my government managed to do that.
When you talk about marriage contracts between homosexual couples two things,
is I'm not personally very comfortable with that, because I don't know how
that works in a society, and second, marriage is not federal responsibility.
It's a contract between two individuals according to the Canadian tradition
of different sex to share a family life together. And you know, on the question
of marriage it's not our responsibility.
We made sure that there shall be no discrimination, but the marriage is
another problem that cannot be solved because civil law, contractual laws,
civil law in Québec and contractual laws in English Canada, are under
provincial jurisdiction. So you ask your premier when he comes to visit
you."
SOME COMMENTS ON THE PM's REMARKS:
EGALE has received media inquiries about the PM's comments. Apart from general
educational stuff (polls show more Canadians support same-sex marriage than
oppose it; not all lesbians and gays would choose to marry, but we're entitled
to make these choices for ourselves; "tradition" of discrimination
does not justify ongoing discrimination etc)we responded as follows:
1. Re: the PM's comments that "marriage is not federal responsibility",
he's just plain wrong.The Constitution gives the provinces jurisdiction
over the solemnization of marriage (i.e. the procedural aspects), but the
substance of who can marry remains federal jurisdiction.
2. Re: the PM's comments that "I'm not personally very comfortable
with that" and "I don't know how that works in a society",
we expect the Prime Minister to put aside his personal prejudices and his
personal ignorance when making decisions that affect the welfare of Canadians.
3. EGALE further challenged the PM to identify a single harmful social consequence
of recognizing same-sex marriages, and offered to meet with him to help
resolve his personal discomfort and lack of understanding. To date, the
PM has not responded to our generous offer.
Healthy Relationships Curriculum
From: Peter Davison <PDavison@chebucto.ns.ca>
My fondest greetings and wish for a grand Kingston experience. I regret
that I am unable to attend but want to share that informal networking continues
to keep personal contact of like minded men alive across Canada. I had the
delight to share pizza with David Rice-Lampert and some of the fine fellows
of the Manitoba Men's Network in Winnipeg on Friday Oct. 11. I was there
facilitating the introduction of our Healthy Relationships Curriculum to
the researchers and educators that will be implementing activities and measures
with 1000 students over the next 3 years. More Information about this is
at our web site: <http://fox.nstn.ca/~healthy>
Two Men For Change fellows, myself and Andrew Safer, two of the co-developers
of the Healthy Relationships Curriculum, will be attending and presenting
the success of the program at the February 12 -14, 1997 conference hosted
by the Austin Coalition for Male Involvement in Austin, Texas. If we are
the only Canadians present may we presume to bring greetings on behalf of
the Men's Network for Change to our brothers in the US?
From: Peter Davison<PDavison@chebucto.ns.ca>
Subject: Re: resources relating to relationship violence
Alan, You may find some useful information at our Men For Change web site
and our related Healthy Relationships Curriculum Project site. It was developed
to challenge what you refer to as the precursors of violent acts with teenaged
youth. The program is being well received across North America. It is used
in schools in Miami and one of our guys is on his way to present at a conference
in Texas and will be presenting to the LA County Office of Education as
well. One of the recognized organizations for adult programming on the issues
of the abuse of power and control is the DOME 206 West Fourth Street, Duluth,
Minnesota 55806. Phone: 218-722-4134.
Men For Change Box 33005, Quinpool P.O. B3L 4T6 Halifax NS Canada (902)
492-4104
Conferences
From: Jean Noble <jnoble@yorku.ca>
Subject: Canadian Lesbian and Gay Studies Association
The Canadian Lesbian and Gay Studies Association Conference Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland, June 9 & 10, 1997 Invites papers on Race and
Sexuality. Because race is such a pervasive signifier in the organizations
of societies, few papers could legitimately claim that race is of no concern
to that topic. As such, we are seeking proposals which might address some
of the following questions/themes:
·The racialization of sexual/gender identities. ·The social construction
of whiteness. ·How racial identities are sexualized. ·The 'whitewashing'
and gentrification of the "Queer Nation." ·How racial and
sexual identities are (en)gendered. ·How racialized sexual identities
inflect our efforts to organize for change. ·The reification of unmarked
white queerness. ·How Eurocentric, white, and anglophone linguistic
and cultural traditions ·affect the theoretical/empirical constructions
of race and sexuality? ·Fragmentary borderlands and the splitting of
identities: "gender/race/class/sexuality" - how do the "/"
function? ·How does an analysis of the racialization of sexual identities
inflect studies of romantic friendship, two-spirited people, Greco- Roman
studies, etc?
We especially encourage work by and about transgendered and bisexual identities.
All proposals will be vetted and only papers which deal with the intersection
of sexualities and race will be accepted. We invite Activists, Community-Workers,
Students, and Faculty to submit proposals for presentation at the 1997 Conference.We
also welcome both academic and non-academic submissions, including those
which are artistic, visual and/or performance-based in a variety of print
or visual mediums.
From: Harvey Schachter <5hs@qsilver.queensu.ca>
Subject: 1996 Kingston Men's Conference
The 1996 Kingston Men's Conference was a success and organizers will start
looking ahead to the next conference after first looking back at the past.
At a closing potluck, organizers spent considerable time discussing the
disruption to the conference by a man whose needs seemed unable to be reconciled
with our needs at the conference. The conference is a special time for those
who attend regularly. It is an oasis: a rare chance to be comfortable with
like-minded friends. It is also short -- with very short workshops -- and
there simply isn't enough time to debate first principles with those who
strongly disagree.
While our publicity always indicates that this conference is organized by
men who are pro-feminist, pro-men and pro-gay, it was felt that maybe we
have to be blunter about indicating it is not intended for those who can't
accept those parameters as the foundation of the conference and workshops:
We'll be happy to debate those issues at other junctures, but not that weekend.At
the same time, organizers were committed to remaining a fairly big tent,
open to a wide range of men, unlike more politically-focused groups.
The evaluations by men at the conference were positive, with one exception:
Saturday night. Many men missed the traditional dance. Organizers had anticipated
holding one but with everything else happening that evening and the crush
for space, it never got going. Clearly, men want to dance!
Organizers also discussed holding some workshops that would be longer --
perhaps two time slots. Although some sessions did not attract a lot of
people, it was felt we should persist in offering a lot of choice to conference-goers.
In January, a potluck is to be held of Kingston men at which we expect enough
men will commit to planning a men's conference for late October, '97.
From: Harvey Schachter <5hs@qsilver.queensu.ca>
Subject: 1997 Kingston Men's Conference
Kingston men have formed a committee to plan a 1997 Conference, presumably
in mid-to-late October as in the past. The committee's first meeting was
slated for early March. If past timing is followed, an all-day planning
meeting might follow in April with workshop leaders solicited after that.
A mailing should go out before summer with a specific date and general framework
for the conference.
It's never too early, however, to feed in your own ideas. Please contact
Harvey Schachter, 613-531-8287 with your suggestions or to volunteer to
lead a workshop. Kingston men have also decided to meet regularly, around
potlucks, as a means of staying in touch. A potluck was held February 11
at Art Griffin's house with about 15 men in attendance. Another potluck
will be held April 8, at the same venue, and plans were set to hold another
gathering in June or early July, perhaps at a property out of town.
Subject: 1997 NOMAS Conference
CALL FOR PAPERS, PRESENTATIONS, AND WORKSHOPS
The 22nd National Men and Masculinity Conference
Saint John's University, Collegeville, Minnesota
July 17-20, 1997
"Spirituality, Community, and Social Change"
The annual National Organization of Men Against Sexism Conference will explore,
investigate, and celebrate how (and in what ways) men experience their spiritual
lives--socially, psychologically, historically, and personally.
The Conference Planning Committee invites proposals or abstracts (750 word
maximum) from scholars and practitioners in any discipline and field.
The Committee seeks as well proposals for entertaining performances
(humorous or serious) and non-academic presentations and workshops related
to the theme of the Conference.
The Conference Planning Committee especially invites proposals on
expressions of/effects of spirituality and religion in, through, in
relation to:
·Rites & Rituals ·Music & Song ·The Divine ·Sacred
Space ·Ministry ·Institutions ·Language ·Women ·Men
·Race ·Politics ·Mysticism ·The Body ·Sexuality
·Sexual Orientation ·Multicultural Society ·Imagery/Symbolism
·Meditation
Send proposals/abstracts (maximum 750 words) by February 15, 1997 to:
Men & Masculinity 22 Office of Student Development St. John's University
Collegeville MN 56321-2000 USA
Proposal/Abstract should include: Name Address Phone Numbers and e-mail
address One-page resume Title of presentation/workshop
All presenters will be expected to pay conference fees based on his or her
income.
1996 White Ribbon Campaign
Summary Report: December '96
220 Yonge Street Galleria Offices Suite 104 Toronto ON M5B 2H1
tel. 1 800 328-2228 or 416 596-1513 fax. 416 596-8359
e-mail whiterib@idirect.com
www site http://web./idirect.com/~wribbon
The 1996 White Ribbon Campaign, the first to focus on a day rather than
White Ribbon Week, was very successful, taking our message to virtually
all regions of the country from Baffin Island to BC to Newfoundland. For
the first time we distributed materials in Quebec in French. The centrepiece
of the 1996 campaign was our terrifically popular poster THESE MEN WANT
TO PUT AN END TO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. We shipped out more than 4,000
posters.
We shipped 240 Education kits to 183 schools across the country.
We worked with a few national trade unions who distributed our materials
through their organizations and called on their members to participate in
White Ribbon Day.
Our Municipal Campaign got very good take up with more than 50 municipalities
organizing events and/or proclaiming November 29 as White Ribbon Day.
Between our TV ad and the Maclean's page, we reached literally hundreds
of thousands of Canadians, many of whom had never heard of our campaign.
In one case, a man called from Edmonton telling us he'd received his Maclean's
and was going to tear out the page, take it to work, photocopy it and get
all the men there to sign it.
Shoppers Drug Mart, Canadian Tire, the TTC, the Toronto Fire Department,
Metro Police, the Toronto Board of Education and key national trade unions
all took large orders of posters and materials which they distributed through
their organizations.
We established some very good corporate relationships this year. Laidlaw
provided major support for the school kit and the Shoppers Drug Mart component
(110 stores & 10 offices) set a new standard for corporate participation.
We are beginning to learn how to service local campaigns.
We had some good media coverage of our events plus interviews of Campaign
spokespersons. Our article, for example, in the CAUT newspaper went to 32,000
university professors in Canada.
Two noteworthy shortcomings this year were timing and volunteer organization.
Almost everything we initiated suffered from "late start" and
would have been bigger & better with more time. Our ability to run a
national campaign out of a central location that functions as a Canada-wide
distribution house suffered from our failure to organize a volunteer workforce
of greater than one, functioning day and evening throughout November.
Lisa Voisin http://www.women.ca
Hello Michael! I just wanted to take the time to thank you personally for
supporting the Candlelight Vigil Across the Internet. It's been put together
by the Canadian Women's Internet Association (CWIA), a not-for-profit volunteer
organization, with the hopes of raising awareness of violence against women.
Thank you very much for participating. We look forward to hearing from you
again in the future.
From: bamboom@interlog.com (Bill Usher)
Subject: White Ribbon at the Bain
Friday November 29, 1996
When I went to my two teenage sons (15) and Michael (the 20 year old with
baby Cecelia) and asked them if they would like to get up at 6 this Friday
morning and climb trees, I was presently surprised when they said "yes".
When I went down to their basement cave at a couple minutes after 6 this
morning and they were all up and dressed - still looking a little dazed
though - sitting on their beds waiting...well, my ol' heart did flip-flops.
I made some hot chocolate as a treat and then we all trouped out into the
cool night air to meet up with Brent, Russell and John. Russell had found
some wide strips of white nylon flag material and last night we cut it up
into strips about 8' long. This morning, with ribbons in hand and a staple
gun, we walked around to the back of our community centre and unlocked the
ladders. With some stealth - as ancient hunters transformed - we put the
ladders one by one up the trees down our street.
The Bain Co-op runs a few hundred yards either side of Bain Ave. here in
the Riverdale area of Toronto. The trees are a combination of Northern Maple
and some sort of a Plain tree, I think. The bark of the Plain trees, which
they shed each summer, looks like camouflage.
So, imbued with the spirit of the day, we were all trying to not be too
bossy as to exactly "how" and "where" the ribbons should
hang - but the young guys, used to taking orders from parents and growing
a little impatient with all this 'politeness', finally got the bossy ones
in our 'older' crowd to show our true stripes. Fortunately we're all the
bossy type and after some lovely discussions we drifted into consensus again.
I love living in the Bain.
No matter, by 7am there were white ribbons hanging from about ten trees
along the courtyards. We all went back to our homes and to the usual routines
of morning. Zak went back to bed, Evan to the shower and Michael off to
pick up Cecelia from her Mom's and take her to school before he headed off
to classes.
So now as I type this at about 8am I can look out the window of my porch
office and see our community waking up, going off to school and work and
looking up at the ribbons floating in the trees. Brent remarked it had a
bit of a Morris dance feel to it...
The pledge poster ("These men pledge never to ..etc. ") sits under
the light of our outdoor notice board. There are about 15 names already
and some graffiti from little kids on the bottom gathered while it's been
hanging in the laundromat since Wednesday. Somebody had scrawled in "Hitler"
and another person has scratched it out and written above "it's about
time".
FYI here's the copy of the leaflet that went out to the 250 homes in our
community yesterday...
BREAKING MEN'S SILENCE TO END MEN'S VIOLENCE
This Friday November 29 thousands of men across Canada will be wearing a
symbolic white ribbon as a pledge never to commit, condone, or remain silent
about men's violence against women.
Different forms of violence against women include sexual harassment, sexist
jokes, unwanted touching, intimidation, aggressive behaviour, and physical
and sexual assault.
The path towards ending the problem of violence starts with men listening
to women. Men and boys can learn about violence and its impact by asking
a female friend how violence has affected her life. Our role isn't to challenge
or debate whether something really should have bothered her or not. It is
simply to listen. Trust that if she tells you something hurt her, then it
did.
This Friday in the Bain let your heart be heard...
- Wear a length of white ribbon as recognition of your pledge never to commit,
condone, or remain silent about men's violence against women. (we have white
ribbons - ask us for one)
- Sign the public Pledge Poster opposing men's violence against women. The
Pledge Poster will be located on the street bulletin board on November 29
and after that, in the laundromat until December 5.
- Watch Bain TV on November 29 and December 6 for documentaries addressing
the issues of violence against women.
WHILE NOT EVERY MAN IS A PART OF THE PROBLEM, EVERY MAN CAN BE A PART OF
THE SOLUTION.
Sincerely offered by Russell Vaughn, Bill Usher, John Sharkey, Brent Patterson,
Ming Lau
Humour?
12 REASONS WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A MALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN
1. Some folks have it, some don't.
2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
3. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
4. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not
worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
5. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail.. envy).
6. It can be up or down.It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard
to get any real work done.
7. In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
vital to the survival of the species.Some people still think that's the
only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most
of the time.
8. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.
9. If you use it too much, you find it becomes more and more difficult to
think coherently.
10.We attach an importance to it which is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
11.If you play with it too much by yourself, your health and relationships
suffer.
12.If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in a lot of
trouble.
News from Members
From: Phil Robinson <pwrobins@uoguelph.ca>
3-64 Cedar Street 519-822-8223 Guelph Ontario N1G 1C5
Subject: A Word From Guelph
Hello MNCers,
I just wanted to drop a quick note and say hello.I've been busy but I haven't
forgotten about the MNC and its members, and I've greatly appreciated the
e-mail updates you've been sending me (by the way, I find it ironic that
I've found out about some Guelph events from the MNC long before anyone
here tells me about them!).
This is my last semester at the university - yes, I am graduating.I've been
doing some interesting research lately, including: same-sex domestic abuse;
men's responses to feminism; sexuality in Aboriginal cultures and the effects
of colonialism; and the myriad of ways that heterosexism becomes institutionalized
within organizational structures.Other than that, the U of Goo Men Against
Violence Collective is struggling along.
We're still having trouble getting active members.I'm not sure what will
happen with it when I'm gone, but after 3 1/2 years, I hope someone else
will take over the coordination of the group (oh please please please...
:) ). I've also been busy investigating graduate programs, the [un]employment
market, and overseas travel/work/study programs.
I was also wondering if the MNC could send us some more pamphlets.I've given
most of them away, and I wanted to have some to distribute at some of my
upcoming speaking engagements.Or, if it is easier, would it be okay if I
just photocopy and fold the pamphlets myself? Please let me know.
And Ken: you phoned me quite some time ago and wanted to talk about the
future of the MNC or something similar. Could you please e-mail me and let
me know what is up with you and Wanaki. I'm looking forward to the '97 Conference
(assuming I'm in the country), please let me know if you would like me to
do anything.
From:kfisher@magi.com (Ken Fisher)
Subject :Winter Solstice is approaching!
The Ottawa-Outaouais Ritual Group (associated with the MNC) is heading into
its fifth year! Five years ago the Ottawa-Hull Men's Forum (1983-1994) was
still active. The MNC and the White Ribbon Campaign were at their peak (and
our now in a state of renewal).The last Grindstone Men's Conference was
in the summer of 1991. Despite the real decline in the number of egalitarian
focused men's groups and the advancement of the moral majority's Promise
Keepers(white heterosexual men's superiority groups), our group has continued
having regular get-togethers.
Five years ago, I was looking for some vehicle that would maintain a connectedness
to colleagues from the Forum, the MNC, the WRC, and have some openness to
new men. Michael Deloughery indicated that something 'spiritual' would motivate
him to participate. And so we began these quarterly mini retreats. In the
past four years many other men have provided leadership for this event,
principally Paul Lafleur, Bob Neufeld and Jan Van Wetering.
This continuity of community has enabled the individuals in our group:
-to organize two national men's conferences (Hockley Valley '95 and Wanaki
'96) (and probably Wanaki '97 as well!)
-to maintain the MNC web page
-to produce the quarterly MNC News
-to speak out for equality rights for gays an lesbians
-to be involved in the White Ribbon Campaign - Men Against Violence Against
Women
But what is it we are about as a group? While not being a support group
per se, we take the time to keep in touch with each others lives and enjoy
each others company. We are not quite an open group but rely on some ephemeral
definition of chemistry amongst ourselves. We value treating each other
as friends, not political adversaries. We nurture mutual respect and have
no time for the atmosphere of rancour. We are gay, bisexual and straight
men. At this moment we are all white men. And we are process and spiritually
oriented.
So what about this 'spiritual' orientation? What is meant by this? For me
it means that, while we have both personal and political conversations and
activities, there is an affinity for a restorative calm within our lives.
As men, we cultivate this 'silence' or 'calm' through ritual (created by
our members) in order to recreate the depth meaning of our lives in relation
to the primordial rhythms of the planet, our societies, and our own life
cycles. We celebrate the changes of the seasons at solstice and equinox.
Sometimes we have done this with fireworks, finger painting and dancing.
Other times through guided visualization and chant. We avoid using the language
of religious traditions, trying to find ordinary words to describe profound
experiences. We keep experimenting. In between times, we occasionally get
together (at the Yang Sheng) to celebrate individual birthdays.
There are 25+ men on our mailing list. On average, attendance is about 8-10.
So as we commence our fifth year with the welcoming of winter, (we must
be crazy) we invite you to attend. For the rituals we meet here at Wanaki.
Our agenda is usually as follows:
December 8, 1996
12:30 - 2:30 Pot Luck Lunch
While there is no obligation to talk, this is a time for personal sharing.
There is an effort to share the time equally among those present. We practice
our abilities as active listeners and, to some degree, refrain from interruption,
interjecting ones own experience or digression. Those kinds of comments
could be made in personal conversation later. Primarily, we want to 'hear'
about each others lives.
We conclude with a 'business' conversation. ie. Who is leading the next
event ritual? What's to be done about the next conference? Any other items?
2:30 - 3:30 Ritual led by Paul Lafleur & Ken Fisher
3:30 - 4:00 Hanging Out
On this occasion we are saying goodbye to Josh Bulgin who is moving to Mexico.
We will be joined by Bill (Under One Sun) Usher from Toronto, and have invited
men from Kingston and Maberly to join us also.
1997 Schedule
Vernal Equinox ~ March 23, 1997 ~ Bob Thomson + Steve Graham
Summer Solstice ~ June 22, 1997 ~ Floyd Kelly + Brian Baskerville
1997 MNC Conference July 24 -27(here)
Autumnal Equinox ~ September 21, 1997 ~ Michael Deloughery + ?
1997 Kingston Conference October ?24-26?
Winter Solstice ~ December 7, 1997 ~? + ?
Child Support Bill Threatened
From: Martin Dufresne MONTREAL MEN AGAINST SEXISM martin@laurentides.net
Subject: "It matters not that you are not a Canadian citizen (...)
go get'em, gang!" -California organizer of anti C-41 pressure campaign
International male lobby tactics re: the Canadian Senate and child support
reform
Mr. Jean Charest,
As a father and a male supportive of gender equity, I am deeply troubled
with the pressure being put on Canadian Senators to block Bill C-41 or scuttle
its dispositions most needed by children and custodial parents.
I am writing to let you know that not all of this pressure is coming from
the Canadian public as it may seem looking at your pile of Faxes.
I monitor the Internet and I have found that international discussion lists
with a focus hostile to women's rights are being swamped with calls - such
as the ones copied below, from the TALKMAN antifeminist list out of Texas
A&M University. These messages are aimed at Father-Right activists from
as far away as Australia, asking them to pressure and harass our country's
Senators into gutting Bill C-4l, through the use of e-mail driven Faxes
***as if they were Canadian citizens***.
I am shocked - as are the journalists and Senators which I have managed
to apprise of this so far - that the rights of Canadian children, women
and honest men are being threatened by such underhanded tactics. Please
share with your colleagues and with Mr. Jean Charest the reality that the
pressure you are presently subjected to does not necessarily represent majority
Canadian opinion, nor that of the majority of Canadian men and fathers,
most of which support women's rights and are opposed to the present status
quo of impoverishment of children and women by defaulting non-custodial
parents.
The self-appointed "fathers rights" lobby certainly doesn't speak
for us, nor for male custodial parents or for non-custodial parents who
do not rob their children of child support and needed safeguards.
Looking forward to your response and to a vote of conscience based on the
the interests of a million threatened Canadian children and on a public
opinion that supports these rights.
===quoted from the TALKMAN Internet discussion list====
From: Fathers' Resources Int'l
Subject: PLEASE HELP CANADIAN FATHERS
Colleagues worldwide,
We are in a struggle where numbers count. You can help us by reading the
following information and using the power of e-mail to send a message to
those in Canada that would enslave children and fathers worldwide - THE
MISANDRIC MOVEMENT.
those male hating women that believe we should be nothing more than printing
presses of $$$ and sperm banks.
In Canada, we have the real possibility of establishing the first "beachhead"
for the rights of families everywhere to access healing during divorce and
to loosen the grip of the divorce racketeers who profit off human misery
without providing real substantial help.
Please join with us in our struggle to be the first country to turn the
tide and be used as an example in your struggle.
It matters not that you are not a Canadian citizen - e-mail creates an impression.
you need not mention where you are from, or if you wish, please do so.
We need your help desperately to get 1500+ faxes, e-mails phone calls to
Canadian Parliamentarians that MISANDRY will no longer be tolerated.
Thank you for your help and consideration.
Go get em'! Danny Guspie Executive Director Fathers Resources International
Subject: Child support bill threatened - Michel Landsberg
from The Toronto Star
The long-awaited (Canadian federal) bill to improve the lot of divorced
parents and children is teetering on the edge of defeat this weekend. Deadlocked
in a Senate committee, it's about to go to the whole Senate for a vote.
Defeat looks likely, thanks to Tory senators and a renegade Liberal (Senator
Ann Cools ed.) who speaks for the fathers' rights movement.
Justice Minister Allan Rock's Bill C-41, amendments to the Divorce Act,
have been six years in development. They are careful, fair, and based on
consultation with hundreds of experts across the country. Even judges and
lawyers who were previously opposed to change are now in eager support of
the bill.
Yet the whole thing could be scuttled in the Senate by a fringe of men's
rights radicals who seem oblivious to the harm they could inflict on roughly
375,000 custodial parents and approximately one million children.
To kill Bill C-41 would be a lasting disgrace to these Honourable unelected
Senators, who enjoy $65,800 a year of the taxpayers' largesse, some of it
tax-free. No, not for our Comfortable Senators is the sinking heart on rent
day, the humiliation of the food bank or welfare cheque, the helpless anger
that comes when once again, your children are the ones who can't afford
the music lessons or the school outing.
The problem with the old Divorce Act was, in the words of Justice Minister
Rock, that the system of determining child support was "unpredictable,
uneven, often unfair and too often unpaid." No law can create more
money where there isn't enough to go around, but at least Bill C-41's guidelines
would ensure consistency and a more realistic estimate of what it costs
to bring up kids. And there are tax provisions that would put extra money
into hands of low-earning single parents.There are also --- because billions
of dollars in child support are currently unpaid --- tougher enforcement
measures. The government, for example, could remove the passport of
delinquent payers who want to skip the country and their obligations.
What could be the possible objections?
The bill's opponents have trailed so many red herrings across the Senate
carpets in the past weeks that it will take decades to remove the odour.
For one thing, the men's rights people are demanding(through their surrogates
Tory Duncan Jessiman and Liberal Anne Cools) that the bill guarantee them
greater access to their children in return for paying support. But this
bill has nothing to do with access.Custody and access, in a different section
of the Divorce Act, are being reviewed separately.
Consider some of the other arguments:
-Sen. Cools insists that Bill C-41 removes the responsibility of the custodial
parent (i.e. mother) to support her children. That, says Cools, to the cheers
of the father's rights guys, is not fair and equal.
No matter how often it's explained to Cools by sober witnesses that "joint
responsibility" is written into the guidelines, she simply repeats
her stentorian lament.
-Tory Senator Orville Phillips seconded her concern: "There will be
many custodial parents on the beaches in Mexico, and the child is getting
no benefit from that," he observed.
-Sen. Cools is alarmed about the unfairness of removing delinquent payers'
passports. "This is how mean it is," she exclaimed. "Has
Karla Homulka ... lost her passport?"
No, but children aren't depending on her payments to survive.
-Sen. Jessiman evidently believes that parenting should be paid by the hour.He
furiously insists that the more time a dad spends with his children, the
less support he should have to pay.
So--- kids should go without dinner for a week because dad kept them for
an extra day and gets a discount ?The idea is not only ludicrous, it opens
up the hideous possibility of endless, costly litigation over how to pro-rate
school hours, vacations, hours in transit.
-Anne Cools accused a family mediator of "tip-toeing around feminist
ideology" so that feminists wouldn't demonstrate outside her door "with
every intention to terrorize you into their point of view."
Other terrors haunting Sen. Cools: Bill C-41's potential "for abuse
and vengeance... so enormous that it leaves me almost speechless."
Amen to that possibility. Maybe you've seen the Senator in endless media
interviews this past fortnight. Nothing gets air-time faster than a woman
attacking other women, so we've all been treated to Sen. Cool's sense of
importance, flights of rhetoric and aggressively interruptive style ---
but it's still a mystery why fair guidelines for child support fill her
with such anger.
-Jakki Jeffs, president of the Ontario Catholic Women's League, was also
upset by the enforcement provisions of the bill. Girlishly, she fluttered,
"To be honest, Senator --- and this will not sound professional at
all --- it sounds bitchy to me. I'm sorry, but it does....It is vindictive
and bitchy...it's like saying `Well, if you do not do this, we will really
get you.'"
Does it all sound silly, even frivolous? It was. To read the Hansards was
heart-sickening, except for the serious, well-informed witnesses supporting
the government's bill. Meanwhile, the well-being of a million children lies
trembling in the balance.
Only Tory leader Jean Charest can rein in the destructive excesses of his
Tory caucus. If you care about fairer child support, phone or fax him urgently.
There's no time to lose. Phone 613-943-1106; fax 613-995-0364.
From: Ken Fisher
Subject: MNC and Bill C-41
Existing for almost a decade, the <Men's Network for Change> is Canada's
only national pro-feminist men's organization. With members and affiliated
groups from coast-to-coast-to-coast, it has has developed a number of policies
concerning men and society.
Our policy on parenting reads as follows:
Men and Children: We, as men, have a responsibility to enhance our nurturing
and parenting of our children. In times of divorce, we are opposed to mandatory
access, mediation and joint custody. While respecting sole custody, we recognize
its limits. We espouse a gender-neutral approach to the assessment of custody.
Therefore we whole-heartedly endorse the Government's Bill C-41 and wish
its quick passage. Ken Fisher for the MNC
From: Peter Davison of Halifax Men for Change
to key Conservative Party senators and Jean Charest.
Dear Senator, I am writing to you on behalf of the members of Men for Change
in Halifax, Nova Scotia to urge you to support Bill C-41.
Men For Change started in Halifax after the tragic killing of 14 women engineering
students in Montreal in 1989.Since that time we have worked in the community
to end men's violence and to promote gender equality.Our work focuses on
challenging men to take responsibility for ending violence and sexism.Our
self-published violence prevention program for teenagers is being widely
used across North America.
We strongly support Bill C-41 enforcing child support payments because the
wilful withholding of these payments not only contributes to the economic
oppression of women but to the forced poverty of tens of thousands of helpless
children.This is simply unacceptable.We support Bill C-41 because it makes
men accountable to meet their moral and legal obligations to financially
support their children.
As Canadian men and fathers (both married and custodial) we are alarmed
by the pressure to defeat Bill C-41 from other countries from groups of
men promoting their own rights. Please reject detractors of the Bill C-41
who wish to fudge the power of the Bill by amending tags on the issues of
access and custody. These are separate issues and must be dealt with separately.
We wish to make it clear that men who reject Bill C-41 and label it "anti-male"
do not represent the opinions and choices of the members, supporters and
organizations affiliated with Men for Change in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
We respect the comprehensive process it takes to make Bill C-41 into law
and endorse the fact that it was developed in consultation with hundreds
of experts across the country.This consensus approach and Bill C-41's six
year history is a clear indication that our Canadian democratic process
has succeeded.It would be a travesty for a caring society like Canada to
force children and their mothers to be victimized by poverty for another
6 years.
From: Christopher Sunde Manitoba Men's Network csunde@ibm.net
The Manitoba Men's Network endorses the passage of Bill C-41 as currently
before the Senate. The Network has been in existence in Manitoba for seven
years. One of the founding principles which guides us is a commitment to
pro-feminism. In our personal and social lives we strive to promote safety,
equality, and justice for women. We see the provisions of Bill C-41 as an
incremental step in leading to the goals listed above. We feel that the
Bill can only help to reduce child poverty and to provide more peace of
mind and equity for custodial parents. It is in keeping with our Mission
Statement and our beliefs that we support this Legislation.
Another core pillar of our organization is that we are male-positive. We
celebrate our humanity and attempt to live in healthy relationship with
others. With this attitude and value-base, we do not share the defensive
and fearful response of a minority of men in Canada that this Bill will
have a serious, deleterious effect on men as a gender. We see it instead
as an opportunity to begin to resolve difficult human issues (divorce, custody,
support)in a rational way. As men, we are disappointed at the strident nature
of some of the criticism of the Bill and at the pressure tactics employed
by some groups of men. To us, this is typical of previous attempts by men
to maintain male domination and privilege. As men in the process of personal
change, we feel that this Bill is an important step in delivering the message
of the necessity of social change.
Promise Keepers
From: Bob Thomson <bthomson@web.net>
Subject: Among the Promise Keepers-An inside look at the evangelical men's
movement by Jeff Wagenheim, from New Age Journal, (March/April 1995)
The jam-packed stadium is a stunning spectacle of men, smiling and back-slapping
men, cheering and foot-stomping men, good old boys alongside bad-looking
hombres. There are father and son pairs everywhere -- some with Dad in his
30s, others in which Junior looks to be about that age. There are bearded,
scraggly bikers in black leather, their Harleys parked out in the lot --
probably right next to the Chrysler minivans that brought in the groups
of clean-scrubbed athletic types dressed in caps and T-shirts bearing football
team insignias, looking like they've come to Texas Stadium to root for its
home team, the Dallas Cowboys.
But this crowd's Sunday hero doesn't wear shoulder pads and a helmet. That
point is being made loud and clear by a chant arising from one section of
sideline seats and rocking the place all the way to the upper deck: "We
love Jesus, yes we do," a thousand men are proclaiming in one voice.
"We love Jesus, how 'bout you?" Cheers of spirited affirmation
explode from the other sideline, followed by an answer: "We love Jesus,
yes we do..."
Promise Keepers is a puzzle. What to make of an organization that seems
to combine the men's movement of Robert Bly with the conservative Christianity
of Pat Robertson? Perhaps this Bible-based work fills a void for men who
feel safer in the sanctity of their inner holy man than in the company of
that threatening wild man. But could the group also be a shrewdly disguised
vehicle for furthering the political agenda of the religious right?
Promise Keepers was founded in 1990 by Bill McCartney, who until recently
served as head coach of the University of Colorado football team. With the
same fiery faithfulness he used to elevate the Buffaloes into college football's
elite, McCartney has transformed his weekly prayer and fellowship group
of 72 men into an organization that today has twice that many employees.
After holding men's conferences in Boulder in each of its first three summers
and achieving its goal of filling 50,000-seat Folsom Field in 1993, Promise
Keepers took the show on the road in 1994, reaching nearly 300,000 men in
seven stadiums around the country. The 1995 schedule included 13 stadium-sized
events that attracted more than 700,000 men. The organization is trying
to ride its runaway momentum to draw a million men to a gathering in Washington
in 1996.
How to explain this group's burgeoning growth? Looking for answers, I bought
a copy of Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper, a collection of essays that
has become the Promise Keepers' second bible. Though most of what the book's
numerous contributors write is loving, commitment-affirming guidance, there
are passages here and there that you definitely won't find excerpted in
Ms. magazine.
Instructing husbands how to reclaim their manhood, for instance, pastor
Tony Evans writes: "The first thing you do is sit down with your wife
and say something like this: Ô Honey, I've made a terrible mistake.
I've given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you
to take my place. Now I must reclaim that role.' Don't misunderstand what
I'm saying here. I'm not suggesting that you ask for your role back, I'm
urging you to take it back... Be sensitive. Listen. Treat the lady gently
and lovingly. But lead!"
That's a stance that spooks feminists. And gays are nervous about the ramifications
of the group's position statement that "homosexuality violates God's
creative design for a husband and a wife and... is a sin." Protests
have dogged each summer's Promise Keepers gathering in Boulder, the acrimony
coming to a head in 1993 when the group filled Folsom Field for the first
time.
What brought out the opposition, I suspect, was not the essays in Seven
Promises or even what was being said at the gatherings so much as the controversial
politics of Bill McCartney. The charismatic coach first made headlines back
in the mid-'80s when he battled the American Civil Liberties Union over
his practice of leading the team in pregame prayer. His notoriety reached
a peak in 1992 during the debate over Amendment 2, a state ballot question
aimed at blocking civil rights guarantees for gays and lesbians. After McCartney
authorized the amendment's sponsor, Colorado for Family Values, to use his
name and affiliation on its fund-raising letters, the university received
complaints about this apparent violation of policy. The coach agreed to
ask the anti-gay rights crusaders to drop his name from their printed materials
and called a news conference to make the announcement. There, McCartney
proceeded to urge Coloradans to support Amendment 2 and termed homosexuality
"an abomination of almighty God." This prompted campus protests
and a reprimand from the university president. U.S. Representative Patricia
Schroeder (D-Colo.) called McCartney a "self-anointed ayatollah."
But McCartney seems to be more enigma than ayatollah. At the same time that
he was taking his civil rightsÐdenying stance regarding gays, he was
a vocal and demonstrative supporter of racial equality -- the only head
coach in Division I-A, in fact, to have on his staff as many black coaches
as white. And when he resigned in January 1995, and his longtime assistant
Bob Simmons was passed over for a less-experienced white replacement, McCartney
sided with an unlikely ally, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, in charging racism.
I was guessing that Promise Keepers, McCartney's current focus, was similarly
complex. There was only one way to find out what was really going on.
The unmoving line of cars ahead of me must extend all the way to the gates
of heaven. At least it seems that way. It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday morning
in October, I've just hit a freeway ramp traffic jam at the Texas Stadium
exit, and from the looks of things I ought to be inside for the second day
of the event by, oh, around noon.
On the radio I hear that chant: "We love Jesus, yes we do..."
I park my car and walk the half-mile to the stadium. Surveying the scene
outside, I notice that there are no protesters. No message-toting airplane
circling the stadium. Well, there are two signs: I NEED TICKETS, held by
a guy who looks like he thinks he's outside a Dead show, and MEN OF GOD:
I NEED A JOB, held by a neatly dressed black man of 40 or so who is offered
encouragement by men in the passing, mostly white, crowd.
In the parking lots nearest the main stadium gates are a few large tents
-- one for registration (a surprisingly reasonable $55, including two meals),
one for dispensing literature about related organizations (Christian Men's
Network, Focus on the Family, etc.), one for selling Promise Keepers books
and merchandise. These tents and other projects of the day -- such as setting
up 45,000 box lunches -- are being run almost exclusively by women. "We're
all here as volunteers supporting this ministry and the men in our lives,"
says the middle-aged woman behind the cash register. "I'm here with
my husband. This is his second event, and after the last one he was a changed
person. Attentive. Positive attitude. Closer to God. So I'm happy to help
an organization that has had such a positive effect on our marriage."
As I finally enter the stadium, Christian Men's Network president Edwin
Cole steps to the microphone and launches into a fire-and-brimstone sermon
preaching celibacy until marriage. For a while Cole sounds -- dare I say
it? -- positively feminist as he talks about how respect for women is lost
when a man is pursuing sex without love. Then, suddenly, per Cole's request,
dozens of young men all around the stadium are standing to take a vow of
chastity, and nearby men are moving closer to them to lay a hand of support
on their bodies, all heads nodded in prayer.
The only overtly political statement of the weekend comes in >the conference's
very first speech, by pastor Greg Laurie. "When a man makes a promise
to his wife -- a marriage vow -- and doesn't keep it, he is teaching her
not to trust him," he says. "And isn't it true that we have a
problem like this with some of our leaders today?" Wild applause. "I
see some of you are ahead of me," says Laurie with a smile.
That shared humor at the president's expense reveals something about these
men that I have trouble overlooking: When push comes to shove, these and
the thousands of other Promise Keepers are likely to pull voting-booth levers
to abolish abortion or curtail gay rights. Ultimately, these men are a voting
block -- an evangelical Christian voting block.
Still, this is a complex gathering. Gary Smalley -- the president of Today's
Family, whom you may have seen on late-night cable TV hawking his better-relationships
videotape series through infomercials featuring couples such as Kathie Lee
and Frank Gifford -- is responsible for one of the most moving moments of
the weekend. At the time I am standing in the press box, high above the
playing field. Smalley is finishing up on the topic of expressiveness in
marriage, and he asks the men to break into groups of four or five to discuss
pet peeves and possibilities.
In small groups, the men come alive -- even in the press box, where a couple
of small groups form to discuss marital issues. I've never seen reporters
participate in anything like this. For the next 15 minutes I'm stunned by
all the heartfelt discussions of romance and communication. This doesn't
look like a bunch of guys working toward becoming tyrants in their households.
Throughout the weekend, as conference speakers delve deeper and deeper into
issues that tear couples and families apart -- a husband or father being
emotionally distant or neglecting his responsibilities is among the common
ones -- I notice that some of the men seem to be fighting back tears, while
a few have no fight left: They're crying freely as the men around them offer
the comfort of a touch, an embrace, or a quiet word.
Near the end of the weekend, when Chuck Swindoll, president of the Dallas
Theological Seminary, leads the men through the seven promises that this
conference is all about, there's a hush in the stadium. He explains, step
by step, precisely what it means for a man to commit himself to, say, "pursuing
vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers
to help him keep his promises." The discussion-and-response process
is slow and thoughtful, and it downshifts noticeably when Swindoll gets
to Promise Number Six: "A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond
any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical
unity."
"This one may be an especially difficult one for men raised in the
South," Swindoll says. "So think about it, and do not commit to
this or any promise unless you can keep it. This is what being a Promise
Keeper is all about."
The organization does take an uncharacteristically progressive approach
to the difficult issue of racial reconciliation. "I've been at Promise
Keepers meetings where men have broken down and cried and renounced their
prejudice and hatred," says the
Reverend Edgar Vann Jr., pastor of the Second Ebeneezer Baptist Church in
Detroit. "You just don't often see that in the church."
After spending a weekend with Promise Keepers, I believe that the organization's
commitment to these issues is sincere. I was made to feel accepted in my
every contact with the Promise Keepers staff, conference participants, and
Christian reporters in the press box -- even after I would identify myself
as an editor at, gulp, New Age Journal.
Still, whenever a Promise Keeper drew me into a discussion -- on anything
from culture to theology -- I would get the feeling I was talking to a brick
wall. A friendly and talkative brick wall, but an unmovable object nonetheless.
It was either his Scripture-based worldview -- homosexuality as an abomination,
the husband as "leader" in the home -- or... splat.
Promise Keepers president Randy Phillips maintains that that "leadership"
role is deeper and better than male chauvinism. "It comes down to whether
you understand what it is to be a spiritual leader, which we define in the
person of Jesus Christ," he says. "What did Jesus do to respond
to the needs of others? He gave his life for others. So, from a biblical
perspective, a spiritual leader is not one who lords authority over others;
spiritual leadership is the absolute commitment to serve and to honor. It
means involving yourself in the life of your wife, hearing her needs and
responding to those needs, just like Jesus responded to our needs... There
is responsibility in providing spiritual initiative and there is authority
in carrying out those responsibilities, but it is expressed through a servant's
heart."
With rhetoric like that, notes the Reverend Priscilla Inkpen, a United Church
of Christ minister from Boulder who has been one of the group's more prominent
opponents, "It's difficult to be 100 percent critical of the Promise
Keepers. I think they are speaking to an important need: for men to take
responsibility. A lot of men need to learn that, and Promise Keepers seems
to be touching a nerve with many. But... you have to ask: What nerve are
they touching? Is it men's hunger to be present in their relationships with
their wives and children? Or is it the hunger to be on top?"
Men in Transition: Letting Go and Holding On!
Kingston, October 26, 1996
Keynote Address by Ken Fisher
Thanks to....
First of all let me thank the organizers Harvey Schachter, Johnny Yap, Steve
Spense, Robert Black, Ed Antocz, Steve Rush and Phil Burge and others for
having the enthusiasm and discipline to enable this gathering to happen.
Despite two decades of men's groups and men's work there still are very
few social circumstances available for men to reflect on ourselves as a
gender in a positive supportive atmosphere.
Last year I put up my hand to help with this year's conference. In April
I received a call from Harvey, asking if I could come to the first planning
meeting and facilitate a workshop to stimulate the core group's thinking
and to identify a context for the conference. Roger Jones was there from
Toronto in addition to the men from Kingston with myself and Michael, who
were on our way to Toronto to facilitate an all day planning session for
the Board of the White Ribbon Campaign. The august group of planners identified
five themes to describe the state of being of Canadian Men out of which
emerged the title for this presentation.
I want to thank the following for their support in helping me prepare.
First, Michael Deloughery: -a great listener, a delightful critic, my closest
friend and former business partner. He and I have enjoyed a 25+ year relationship,
longer than any of our marriages. In every project that we do together,
one of his roles has been to hack away at whatever agenda I propose because
it is always too full. His other mantra is to tell me that I'm free to say
whatever I want so long as no one's blood splashes on him! So I'll try to
behave accordingly.
To Paul Lafleur, Michael Kaufman, Hugh Cameron and Bill Usher, I am grateful
for their support and appropriate admonitions.
Thanks also to Harvey Schachter and Ray Jones for encouragement and reminding
me of the tradition behind the role that I have been asked to play as the
Kingston Keynote.
From 1985 to 1995 keynote speakers have been: Bruce Kidd, Michael Kaufman,
Stuart Hill, Harvey Schacter, Ray Jones, Grant Wedge, Terry Boyd & Joseph
Dunlop Addley.
Process for this Presentation
In the past, we have had genuine keynote addresses. This time I propose
to do something different.
When I explained the process to Ray Jones he said "Oh, it's going to
be like Cross Country Check Up with Rex Murphy!" Well sort of, but
I'm no Rex Murphy.
What I am proposing is an interactive happening, with many opportunities
for contributions from you. Indeed, this so-called address will be, in large
measure, created by your participation.
I have delivered short and long addresses in the past, but the fact is that
my forté is facilitation. It is those skills that I wish to share
with you this morning.
By now you probably have looked at the handout. So let's walk through it.
·Introduction: Some personal sharing of mine and my thoughts on the
topic.
·The Past 15 years: (plenary response)
Let's remember.
What have we accomplished?
Where have we experienced disillusionment?
·Letting Go (I think it comes first experientially)
My recollections of six years of delivering gender-sensitivity programs
to the workplace. Subtitled "Tales from the Crypt" or "The
Rogues Gallery."
What is it time to let go of?
·Hanging On
Sharing some recent news articles that have captured my attention.
What would you advocate holding on to?
·What is a Transition all about?
Bill Bridges lays it out for both the individual and the organization.
·The Next 15 Years
What is becoming evident?
What are your hopes and dreams?
Sharing My Experience with the Topic of Transitions
The topic appeals to me deeply. Men in Transition: Holding On... and Letting
Go. Let me share with you a recent transition of mine.
From the fall of '94 to the spring of '96 I was burned out and without work.
I scrambled around for a while, looking for contracts but then came 'death'.
There was no work to fit my motivations. I felt as if I was losing my life
as I had known it. Thoughts of death and letting go dominated my mood. I
could no longer find the energy to play my role as an advocate and activist.
I turned inward. During the summer and fall of '95 I moved tons of shale
from a field 20 km away and created about 150' of paths through our gardens.
It was therapy for the soul.
I reflected on my relationship with our sons. Given the many inappropriate
exchanges that we shared, I created a new mantra for myself in relation
to them. It is the opposite of 'today is the first day of my (new) life'.
Rather 'try to treat each day as if it is your last'. How would you want
to be remembered, when there is no time left to apologize or correct errors
in judgment? And there were many aspects of my marriage about which I had
been in rebellion. These were, for the most part, aspects that were never
going to change. Either 'get out' or 'let it be' was the message that I
was coming to terms with.
Michael introduced me to a web site featuring photos taken by the Hubbell
Telescope. For one series of shots, they pointed the telescope to 'blackness',
wanting to 'see' what was heretofore a void for existing telescopes. Wandering
back 18 billion light years, the scope photographed an extraordinarily colourful,
lyrical arrangement of about 100 million stars. It was erotic. For me Eros
was evident at the beginning of time and space and so it is today. Eros
is everywhere.
Someone once said that when one is surrounded by abundant life, one can
experience a death urge or a failure mentality. And conversely, when one
is face to face with limits and endings, and is close to the acceptance
phase, then the life urge takes over. (Eros and Thanatos are Greek names
for life and death urges.)
This past spring the idea of opening a Bed & Breakfast was proposed
to me by my neighbour, Dany. I liked cooking, I like people and I badly
needed to contribute some cash to our liquidity. I slowly became 'alive'
to a new role.
Also, last spring, we had near record high waters on the Ottawa. Believe
it or not, I spent two weeks playing with logs. One was 50' by 30"x30".
I collected about 75 often by jumping into near freezing water, tying it
up then towing it home with my 10 hp Mercury.
Then the people came and I oozed back into a new life. The result has been
a great year hosting the MNC conference, the EGALE retreat, and many individuals
and families from Quebec and elsewhere.
William Bridges, an appropriate name for a writer and intervener on the
subject of transitions said...Every transition begins with an ending, has
an in between time or a 'neutral zone' and then a potentially messy period
of beginnings.
In preparation for this speech I spent part of the spring and most of the
summer clipping the paper, listening carefully to great speakers, Judy Rebick,
Robert Theobald, Gloria Steinem and a host of others, while gathering lots
of content together to make a great presentation. I looked at statistics,
articles on gender and the workplace, documentation on violence against
women and attended the Beijing debriefing session in Ottawa. I watched helplessly
as the (Conrad)'Black' Plague moved into Ottawa. I railed against TV images
of Ontario Tories or xenophobic Quebec Separatists who could not acknowledge
they were responsible for the well-being of all their citizens.
But most of all I cooked, vacuumed, washed linen and watched the natural
world.
It's true I'm getting soft. Each morning I get up and mutter "another
day in paradise". The three dogs, Ruff (13), Tumble (7) and Sandy Mac
(7 mo.) are three generations of male mutts that resemble Benji. They watch
attentively, while I have a shower, make coffee, put on a hat and sun glasses
then go to my bike and....the race is on. We roar out of the lane way to
travel 2 km. to get the Ottawa Citizen. On the way we have seen deer, foxes,
grouse, partridge, blue herons, beaver, otter, ducks, hawks, snakes, cows
and horses and an endless array of clouds and sky creeping over the escarpment
that once was the river's edge called the Laurentians. When I come back,
I fill up the feeder for the many visiting birds, pour more coffee and read
the paper. By 11:30 I ask myself what I'm going to do today. This schedule
is happily interrupted by guests who require the first 2 waking hours of
the day for their needs.
This is a long way from the life of activism that began for me in 1957 when
I challenged the segregation of the Negro Boy Scouts from the White Boy
Scouts at an American Jamboree in Valley Forge Pennsylvania. This led to
raising money for SNCC (Student Non-Violent Co-ordinating Committee) to
support voter registration in Mississippi in the early sixties. (Mississippi
Burning)
But my main patterns of activism and analytical frameworks were formulated
30 years ago here at Queen's. I was able to attend Queen's, because the
Department of Veteran's Affairs was picking up the entire tab. I was the
child of one of Canada's second world war casualties. All I had to do was
get admitted.
In summer of '65, I left the safety of the Glebe in Ottawa and went to work
with Frontier College. While walking and shovelling gravel for a couple
of thousand kilometres on and off the main line of the CPR from Moose Jaw
to Medicine Hat, I refereed the skirmishes between the Serbs and the Croats.
And, at night I taught English and high school equivalency out of a boxcar
to immigrants, Métis and second world war vets who went to war as
teenagers, and returned too traumatized to be mainstream again.
During my three-year sixties sojourn at Queen's I remember:
-futilely talking with then Minister of Education, Bill Davis about co-ed
residences, (implemented four years later)
-confronting the University President John Deutch, about university democracy.
-getting so drunk at a party on West Street that I took off all my clothes
and became a hood ornament on a slow moving Cadillac as it drove around
City Park.
-phoning Senator Gratton O'Leary, the publisher of the Ottawa Journal, to
tell him he should not accept the appointment as Rector, the role now belonged
to a student. He listened but said no. (the Rector has been an elected student
since the mid seventies)
-being at parties with Michael & Christopher Onadaatje, Matt Cohen,
Bronwyn Wallace, John Rae and other creative geniuses.
-being a new left activist with both SUPA (Student's Union for Peace Action)
and the SCM (Student Christian Movement) and representing both for Queen's
on the local and national scenes.
-being on a panel with Sol Alinsky in Moncton.
-spending wonderful times with homosexual men, especially my friend Pierre
at the art gallery. (One night I threw myself in his arms only to have him
say 'O Ken. You're so straight, you're perpendicular!" as he gently
pushed me back.)
-getting money from the Alma Mater Society (student government) for a summer
study project to revise the first year arts program and having it implemented
that fall.
-running deserters from the American Army over the Ivy Lea Bridge to phony
identification in Canada.
-and of course I smoked lots of grass and sold it in Yorkville!
Then there was feminism. I remember Myrna Q. for she introduced me to feminism
and free love. She dropped her surname to defy patriarchy. I spent the summer
of '66 working with Myrna, Joan (Newman) Kuyeck, Steve Anderson and others
on the North Kingston Project. We were organizing poor in their demands
for better housing against the slum landlords of (the now gentrified) north
Kingston.
One fine day, Myrna, and I were walking down Princess Street. I gallantly
moved to the outside of the sidewalk. She looked at me sideways then gave
me an awful shove into the street. I was barely missed by the oncoming traffic.
It changed my life! My assumptions about women and power shimmered and disappeared.
Women were no longer powerless. They had a power that was being released
before my very eyes.
I spent the next 17 years doing community development around the world.
But because of the wide range of experiences I enjoyed here in Kingston
I was always perceived as a left-leaning nut who had women as friends.
It was near the end of that period that I got involved in men's groups.
I was working in a training centre with some other men. We fought for hours
over the most abstract ideological issues without ever saying anything of
a personal nature. Our partners were feminists, involved in women's CR groups
and members of Brussels Women's Organization for Equality affectionately
referred to as WOE. All of us were having marital challenges due to feminism,
so we thought we would get our women to at least respect us, so we started
a men's group. That was in 1981.
Through WOE, we rapidly found other men. What a euphoria of fascination
and dread of men being emotional, sharing intimate experiences. It was also
my first of many experiences of men's groups getting totally divided over
the issue of whether or not men oppress women.
In a moment, I want some of you to share your thoughts on the accomplishments
or the influence we contributed to changing the world of men and making
our contribution to the advancement of the equality of women.
The Past 15 Years
Let's go down memory lane. Call out the names of some men and men's groups
you were a part of.
In a sentence or phrase describe some of the activities you can remember.
Now I invite you to stand up, give your name and very briefly describe what,
for you, is an accomplishment. It was a contribution to some positive trend.
No justification is required for your choice. Be brief.
-The White Ribbon Campaign goes global
-Men for Change Halifax: Healthy Relationships Curriculum goes continental
-Same sex partners benefit legislation is passed
-Reductions in homophobia
-Coalitions of gay and straight men at conferences
-Metro Men Against Violence
-Manitoba Men's Network -hundreds turn out to conferences
-Men's programs to help abusive men
-"Are you Man Enough to Ask for Help?" in Pontiac County.
-8 Grindstone Men's Conferences & 9? Kingston Men's Conferences
-The Men's Network for Change
-Sports heroes now hug, kiss and dye their hair
-CEO's talk about prostate cancer
-Wife assault and sexual harassment now popularly understood and publicly
opposed, nationally and globally.
-"The women who walked into doors" by Roddy Doyle
How would you interpret this?
In all this activity where have you experienced disillusionment? Personal
attacks are not appropriate.
Letting Go
In terms of the image of transition let's look at endings and what we are
letting go of...or in some cases..what has been taken away irrevocably.
Let me take you back a decade.
It was apparent that the Ottawa-Hull Men's Forum was largely drawing men
in crisis. How we were to recruit men to the pro-feminist camp? How were
we to attract guys who were up for contributing to the struggle for gender
equality? Where are men a captive audience? -sports arenas, prisons, schools
and the workplace. Surely, if we provided a wake-up call, 'they' would come.
I conceived the idea of a Forum for Men in the Workplace while facilitating
a couple of national Employment Equity conferences in the mid-eighties.
It was apparent that the men were not on board.
After almost 18 months of marketing, a friendly women at the City of Ottawa
gave us our first opening. Let me share some of the experiences Michael
Deloughery and I had during our 6-year campaign to improve gender relations
in the workplace.
The structure included an exercise of story telling derived from a game
that Danny Drolet created for our men's group. We wanted to expose to men
the differences on how men and women are socialized. Well, there was a lot
of confusion. Half the men who attended was sure that the purpose was to
restore the 'men only' section of the local hotel and encourage 'the women'
to go back to being secretaries. It was a learning experience.
We were able to make a modest living and eventually we had a team of eight
(four men and four women, half French and half English) delivering The Forums
for Men and Women. In retrospect, we were amazed at what would often turn
up.
Signs saying "don't change our boys" put up by secretaries, pornography
and sexist or homophobic graffiti taped to the seminar room doors, and total
misinformation were regular occurrences.
Then there were a great range of characters:
·The 'poison dwarf', a small vitriolic man who ensured that there would
be a participant rebellion.
·The contact at Corrections Canada here in Kingston who was a wonderful
liaison who simply failed to tell us that he would not be at the two-day
event for the guards. What a roller coaster. The ADM in charge tried to
deny us payment. Why? Despite the fact that the the guards moved from "Get
the bitches of the ranges!" to "Women guards have families to
support and should have employment just like men. But because we have to
do the strip searches, we should be paid more!" We, the facilitators
were accused of assisting the Union to agitate for higher wages.
·The guard who said "I'm not going to share anything personal
with you guys only to have it thrown back in my face by Clifford Olsen when
I walk the range."
·The lunch provided by the Coast Guard in Halifax that was two pieces
of white bread and a piece of corned beef in the middle. The men threw the
sandwiches back in the box and walked out to the topless bar around the
corner for a bite to eat.
·The man who kept showing up at follow-up meetings within his department
(Industry Canada - Bureau of Competition Policy) Why? We found out that
he was stalking a couple of women and wanted to make sure that, if they
showed up, he could intimidate them into silence.
·The perfect angel of a guy who was later exposed as the one who fondled
the female clerks as they went to the photocopier.
·The well-educated angry professional who blew a fuse over the use
of gender neutral language. We told the client that he was a potential danger.
Our advice was apparently ignored until he threatened to kill his female
boss. Then, the RCMP rolled in a took his hard drive and his gun collection
at home.
·The confusing situation at Concordia. Valery Fabricant was not available
for our gender-sensitivity course. Later, he killed two of the better to
best intentioned men in the course. Why? Because they happened to be in
his path, as he was searching for others that he wanted to kill.
·The ship full of men booked as participants who 'got lost in the fog'
and showed up a day late. (Coast Guard - Victoria)
·The course with the man who had no less than three harassment charges
against him. We were supposed to straighten him out while being kept ignorant
of his track record. My God, did he know the right things to say! (Environment
Canada)
·The post-secondary institution that was up for accreditation and without
telling us, hired us to give them some white wash. With the participants'
remarks accurately recorded in our report, the report got 'lost'. It wasn't
saying the right things. (Concordia University - Faculty of Engineering)
·The ADM of the Bureau of Competition Policy who supported the White
Ribbon Campaign but behind our backs undermined our efforts.
·The women who demanded that we deliver a 'missile' to management about
workplace sexism. When told that we had tried but were ignored, they successfully
organized a 'sit-in' and got changes. (Industry Canada - Bureau of Competition
Policy)
·And more!
While we did meet many fine and reputable men, some of whom went on to do
positive things such as start a workplace men's support group at Petro-Can
in Calgary, and while we had a number of sincere clients, especially Public
Works Canada, who did careful preparation and follow-through, it was surprising
to us how deeply the backlash was entrenched.
In all, we did more than 40 events directly involving about 600 participants.
Not one of them ever came to a meeting of the Ottawa-Hull Men's Forum or
a men's conference.
So for you, what is it time to let go of?
-Protest as the only vehicle for social change. (With respect for the Day
of Protest which is happening in Toronto at this very moment.) The tactics
of the sixties are no longer appropriate today.
-One big social movement.
-That activist women want to work with men on issues of sexism.
-Gender as a key issue
-You should work with whomever you are in political agreement with and overlook
their personal behaviour.
Hanging On
Of late, there have been few news articles that have captured my attention.
Here is a sampling of them.
·About 200,000 years ago the primate population that were about to
become human, numbered in the hundreds and lived in Africa. Which is also
to say we all began as blacks. Now we are 6 billion, 3 billion just twenty
years ago. Today there are 4600 species of mammals, 1100 of which are threatened
with extinction, 600 of which, including one third of the primate species
which could be gone in a decade.
It took 6000 years to deforest the middle east and only 300 years to remove
60% of the trees of North America. Until a tree is cut down, or a fish harvested,
it is considered economically worthless.
·The world's 358 billionaires have a combined net worth of $760 billion.
This is equivalent to the net worth of the poorest 45% of the world's peoples
whose net worth is $280 ea. On average, US CEOs make 149 times more that
the average industrial worker.
1/4 of the world's economy is in the hands of the 200 largest corporations
and 1/3 of the world's trade is within, not between, these large corporations.
The last 20 years has seen a decline in corporate accountability to workers,
managers and the surrounding community.
How did the corporate economists get such a conservative lock on the governments
and media of the world?
·Marshall McLuhan once said that humans may simply become the sex organs,
the means of reproduction for technology, thereby serving the evolution
of technology. As the title of Heather Menzies new book reads..."Whose
Brave New World?" Is technology neutral or does it transmit the racism,
sexism and homophobia of its creators? Are we destined for liberation or
digital feudalism?
Of the 150,000 people a month visiting Toronto's Daily Bread Food Bank,
1/3 are professional and white collar workers who have been down-sized.
James Carey, an American academic states that it all comes down to information,
and the technological mega-corporations control that too. "What they
wish to monopolize is not the data but the approved, certified authorized
mode of thought, indeed the very definition of what it means to be reasonable."
When Mike Harris was asked what was the last book he read, in all seriousness,
he replied that a few years ago he had read one of the Hardy Boys books
to his sons at bedtime.
And so on.
What is becoming evident? What would you advocate holding on to?
My list includes
-Men's spirit circles to continue a process of regeneration.
-A search for a 'new' approach to social change. The sixties one isn't working.
Ask Daniel Ortega.
What is a transition all about? Let's walk through the hand out.
Lastly, the future. What are your hopes and dreams?
Meeting of the Men's Network for Change
27 October 96 Queen's University, Kingston
As Recorded By Forrest Smith
1. The Participants (nineteen), were:form Ottawa: Forrest Smith, Paul Lafleur,
Murray Thorpe, Michael Deloughery, Bob Thompson, Ken Fisher; Kingston: Jeff
Piker, Will Irwin, Art Griffin; Guelph: Phil Robinson; London: David Currah,
Terry Boyd, Joseph Dunlop-Addley;Waterloo: Greg Carter; Belleville: Robert
Knowlton; Toronto:Bill Usher, Roger Jones; Montreal: Bert Young; Winnipeg:
David Rice-Lampert.
2. Call To Order: Paul Lafleur assumed the role as chair and called the
meeting to order shortly after nine AM. With the agenda being accepted as
presented the meeting proceeded as follows.
3. Financial Picture: Ken Fisher informed those present that there was $786.93
in the bank account. He forecasted further revenue from membership of approximately
$200 creating a balance of approx $1000. Anticipated expenses of approximately
$400 to renew the Web Page and a phone bill of approximately $250 (reimbursement
owed Paul Lafleur for the Conference) once paid would leave a balance of
$350. There were no questions or discussion.
4. Newsletter & Membership: Ken continued, and advised that the Newsletter
distribution was approximately 170 to 150. The format and weight was now,
by intent, such that postage was 45 cents. Membership was currently at 52
plus 6 exchange. There was some discussion of ways and means of prodding/advising
individuals of lapsing membership. Given desire for confidentiality, publication
of a list of paid up members so that those in arrears would note same was
rejected and the status-quo (notice in the Newsletter) was accepted.
Ken proposed, to keep cost down, that the current practice of giving individuals
whose membership had lapsed a free ride (subscription at no cost) be confined
to a six month grace period. This concept/proposal was accepted without
discussion.
5. Home Page: Michael Deloughery reported that feedback on the home page
has been excellent. Since Feb. there had been over 700 visits. Individuals
from all over the world had commented favourably on the effort. Bill Usher
encouraged all to dialogue more. Several commented that they preferred to
see the listing of addresses along with the message as it added a sense
of communication/interaction. Further discussion was deferred to a session
later in the morning on this topic.
6.MNC Outreach Proposal: Bill Usher's proposal, an outreach project that
would see corporations sponsor a troop of artists going into communities
fostering "healthy relationships". In order to illustrate the
impact his proposal was intended to have, he distributed copies of what
he envisaged a newspaper article would say about his project. He encouraged
all to give feedback on what he had written, and to identify well known
individuals/names (David Suzuki, Pierre Berton for example) whom he could
use as non-financial patrons. He outlined the four steps he envisage for
the effort: secure 200 plus grassroots supporting names and organizations
(credibility); develop business plan and incorporate (status); obtain corporate
sponsorship (financial viability); hit the road (Under One Sun).
Bill concluded with a request for feedback /suggestions and a open invitation
for any and all assistance please!
7. White Ribbon Campaign: Ken Fisher reminded all that this effort was rooted
historically in the MNC network. 29 November is the launch date and organizational
meetings are scheduled for early November. All are encouraged to support
this campaign!
8. New Brochure For MNC: Ken introduced this topic by stating that as he
saw it, the intent now was not to change the "mission statement".
Rather, the thrust was to develop a new communication tool (brochure). Forrest
commented that upon reflection he saw that the controversy last summer arouse
because of a lack of involvement. To change a mission statement would require
the participation of all and could not be done by a subgroup working independently.
All agreed that the issue was not our values and the "mission statement
"should be left as is. Comments with respect to any new tool were:
"what was needed was something that described what the MNC does today--to
reflect the character of the network, a connection of nurturing caring men,
our individual commitment to change the world---big on being men, happy
proud and spirited --- with helpful consequences---a place for respectful
disagreement--- a place to be uncomfortable in comfort". Consensus
was that the foregoing thoughts in quotes were great. The issue was tabled.
9. 17-20 July 97 MNC Conference: it was acknowledged that July's event was
excellent and that the organisers had done a fantastic job. The panel discussion
in particular was noteworthy. The panelists were superb as individuals and
the mix was brilliant. After much discussion the consensus was that the
July 97 event should be an "unstructured structured framework"
like---Thursday: evening Feast --- Friday: "internal" sharing
by individuals (checking in) and regional reports--- Saturday would see
a panel
again plus group and subgroup events ---Sunday wrap-up and open.
The event would be a party; light on structure, heavy on relationship, and
focused on caring, sharing, fun, and change. Rather then one cook (Ken)
there would be cooking and working parties. Ideas included: a costume ball,
story time, magic and mystery of life time, add youth to the diversity of
the panel, listening post required, keep structure down and create the agenda
during the weekend, organize only what you have to.
Ken Fisher agreed to lead the effort based on the foregoing flexibility.
Volunteers to assist were as follows: for networking and advertising, Michael;
registration, Peter Davidson; entertainment, Bill Usher; general/other Forrest
and Paul.
10. Minneapolis Men and Masculinity Conference Summer 97: Ken advised that,
based on successful linkage last year NOMAS had again sought to link with
us and were looking for our participation in their event. Given the proximity
of the event to Winnipeg David suggested that Winnipeg individuals would
be best located to take this on and he would encourage this in his community.
11. The meeting adjourned at approximately 11:00 AM
The Way We Began
The following is the letter Benny Anderson of the Toronto Men's Forum wrote
on October 24, 1988. This letter, along with one from Grant Wedge, November
17, 1988, were the signals that began the Men's Network for Change. They
were both from Toronto but their letters were written independently.
The Benny Anderson Letter
MEMO TO: Kingston, London, Ottawa and Toronto Men's Forums and other interested
participants at the (Fall 1988) Kingston Men's Conference.
SUBJECT: Setting up a meeting between people interested in planning a pre-workshop
conference for the (next) Fifth Annual Kingston Men's Conference.
I attended the Sunday afternoon post workshop meeting at the Fourth Annual
Kingston Conference. Many ideas were presented for consideration, but the
meeting ended abruptly and without conclusions. I felt frustrated that after
spending more than an hour discussing issues and proposals, there were no
conclusions reached. I was in shock about the sudden ending. I feel very
unsatisfied, and so I am composing this memo.
I understand from the meeting that next year there may be a workshop slot
set aside to allow Forum groups to give feedback about their activities.
Anyone interested in such a meeting would have to give up workshop time,
which I believe, would diminish the personal sharing and nurturing that
people receive at this conference. Perhaps we can have both.
During the Sunday afternoon session, it became clear to me that I had not
known what the other Forums were doing. It seemed that some had problems
that our group had already overcome, and other had moved to levels that
we had not yet reached. I think all the Forums can benefit form a sharing
of ideas.
I propose that we meet in order to:
1. exchange information about the individual Forum's activities, problems
and successes, and
2. investigate a way to include this meeting in the Annual (Kingston) Conference
without sacrificing workshop time.
Happy Fiftieth Birthday Greetings, Benny
The Grant Wedge Letter
(Happy 43rd Birthday to Grant)
OPEN LETTER TO FRIENDS IN THE "MEN'S NETWORK"
I am writing out of a concern about what happened at the 4th Kingston Men's
Conference, October 21-23, 1988, regarding "political action".
While it was good to hear so many of the ideas, I felt uncomfortable about
how we did it, and where we got to. There was tension for the Kingston organizers
who added a plenary session at the end to discuss a conference statement,
but 100 guys on Saturday afternoon insisted on a general session earlier,
and then 50 were back Sunday morning and fewer on Sunday afternoon.
Next time we should recognize we need time to talk in a large group, but
first it is helpful to know where were at. Ken fisher had a good idea about
a check-in from the regional groups. We could even consider putting together
a conference report about what has been happening in men's activities over
the past year.
We should be doing more planning about what needs to be talked about, and
then, we should be considering the issues in our local groups before coming
to the conference so we're clearer from the start about what decisions should
be taken.
The other thing is "process". In smaller groups it is easier to
confront those who dominate or confuse discussion, but we sure have trouble
in large sessions. It is all too easy to get into grandstanding--being a
man who is certain that I have the right answer if everyone would just listen
to me. We should not be talking to get our "two cents in" or to
set the last speaker "straight". We need to decide what we need
to talk about, and then stick to it, without diverting into personal attacks
or side issues. That takes both self-discipline and group-discipline.
In large group sessions good facilitation is even more important, because
without it the strongest voices tend to sway the crowd, rather than the
clearest expression of consensus. We need to recognize the role of facilitation,
and be prepared to accept an ordering and direction to the discussion. General
sessions should give us the opportunity to build the understanding and confirm
the commitment of the larger group of men to a new kind of "man"--and
to provide a moment of inspiration not confusion.
There is lots to talk about--from nuclear subs to child care to how amateur
sports got pumped into the cult of super achievement that cost Ben Johnson
his medal. I think this is all part of the "politics" to be challenged.
But we should not be thinking that it's question of personal growth versus
political activity. There are our personal politics in our relationships,
our families, our work and communities, and we can learn much form talking
and listening to others, and focusing on what we can do.
Maybe it's time for a gathering of men to look at where we have come form
- where we can get to - and how we can do it differently from the men in
boardrooms or Parliament.
Regional Directory
Men for Change: Halifax Roger Davies 902-457-4351
UNB Men's Group Thom Parkhill 506-363-3348
Montreal Bert Young 514-457-9758
MNC Ottawa-Outaouais Paul Lafleur 613-722-2730
MNC Kingston Johnny Yap 613-549-6072
WRC Toronto Ian Russell 416-769-2630
MNC Kitchener-Waterloo Greg Carter 519-725-4641
MNC London David Murphy 519-433-9055
Manitoba Men's Network David Rice-Lampert 204-453-2268
MNC Saskatoon Wally Roth 306-933-4886
MISSION STATEMENT
In a society dominated by men, a patriarchal society, men have disproportionate
economic, political and social power over women. But the very things that
give us power exact a price. We are not born patriarchs. The process that
leads us to accept the current norms of masculinity and the domination of
some men over others, leaves us all brutalized, limited and angry. We usually
do not acknowledge our isolation, fear, frustration and alienation. Women,
children, the planet and indeed ourselves, suffer the consequences.
We are men committed to working against sexism and patriarchy, in support
of freedom of sexual orientation, and deeply opposed to the many forms of
violence in our world. We support those social movements that challenge
us to rethink our lives as men and reevaluate our society. These include
the feminist women's movement; the gay, lesbian and bisexual movement; anti-racist
struggles; native peoples; peace, ecology and labour movements.
We see our actions as part of a struggle against the many forces, institutions
and structures that limit the potential of all human beings. The equality
of women is a crucial step in the creation of a society that embodies human
liberation.
For us, political action touches all aspects of life: from our actions at
home and in the streets, in school, at work, in relationships and in the
institutions of local and national decision-making. The changes we want
in society as a whole are changes we strive to make in ourselves.
Our goal is to reach out to other men, to invite them to join us to create
a society where men no longer dominate women; where all humans can reclaim
their full potential; and where men will celebrate our passion, our strength
and our capacity to nurture, to love and be loved. Our goal is to provide
a public and collective voice of men in support of women's liberation. Our
goal is to continue to support the many movements for progressive social
change. Our goal is to contribute to changing the lives of men, women, children
and the state of our planet.
(Orangeville - April 1989)
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